Consequence of bad boyfriend.....!!!!

Today was one of my struggle days because of the consequence of a bad boyfriend!!! I went out with him anout 2 years ago and he was someone who didn't always returned my calls or messages. And now I see how bad he was in communication. As one day he decided to stop talking to me and upto now I still don't know why. I took me a long time to get over that .. about a year or so! Especially as there was no closure to it and I found it very hard. So now when someone doesn't return my calls or my text I get into this angry state and no way I can snap out of it!! The thing I know that everyone has a busy life and it is not always possible to reply straight away. But that is not always enough for me to calm down and be realistic about the situation. And when I get angry I start to be very emotional and start crying. The weird thing about all this is that I am a laid back chilled out person. But when something like that happens then I get really angry. And I hate it so so much. I have been talking to my counsellor about it and I thought dealt with it but obviously it takes time. And I know I am much better now but I am so angry at myself to for not being more relaxed about it. And see why this person hasn't called you back.Because there might be a very good reason why he/she hasn't. But it is so hard for me to deal with it.

Anyway my PT session was cancelled today so decided to go for a run. And it did me loads of good. I did a very hot and sweaty 7.5K. But my God it was so hot. I couldn't believe it!! I thought I was really slow but once I finished I did the same time as when I ran it another day. So I was so happy with myself. And all my anger and frustrations were gone and felt again chilled out! Thank God for that!!

Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and choc whey protein
Snack: None
Lunch: Omelette made with 2 eggs and 2 egg whites. Gluten free pitta. Dessert: Pomegranate
Snack: Protein shake and apple
Dinner: Tiger prawns with sweet chilli sauce (no veggies ... shocking!!!) But it was so very nice. Dessert: pineapple, apple and lychees
Snack:
Drinks: 4L water & energy drink

Exercise: 7.5K run

Lost again :)

After gaining a kilo last week I lost that kilo and an extra 400gr. So I am quite happy with that. So all the efforts are paying off... and I might have lost more if I would have a better night sleep but hey as long as it is going downward I'm happy...

For the last few days I have felt so emotional and so out of character for me. And I have felt quite sick every time I eat. Due to the infection I had at my boobs I had to take antibiotics and the doctor told me to carry on taking the pill which means I haven't had any periods last month. And I am due next week. And I am sure that is the reason but it is driving me nuts as normally I don't feel like that. I might be just a bit sensitive but not crying like that all the time!! I always thought I don't suffer from this PMT ... maybe not as bad as some but surely I am still a woman!! :)
OK well now that I know that I might be a bit nicer to myself as the last few days I was beating myself up for being so sensitive and get a grip!!

OK tonight I see my PT again. And so cannot be asked to exercise, to see him, to make any effort. I just want to go home and collapse on the sofa and watch TV. Especially as I haven't slept much the last few days and just want to sleep and wake up refreshed and happy!! Don't we all... :)
PMT ... moi??? :)

My food has been all over the place so will just forget about it today. And start again tomorrow. Hopefully my sugar cravings will have gone aswell!! Looking forward to the long bankholiday w-e!! Good timing I would say :)

More positive today...

Today I feel more positive. And I have to thank all the lovely people on WLR for that. A while ago I was gonna stop my subscription as I am not counting calories anymore. But now I realise how important all these people on the boards are. And there is always someone who has gone the same thing as you. It is great that you share experiences . So now I have uncancelled my subscripion :) It feels like I made some new friends and it feels so good.

Now I realise that nutrition is very important where you are working out hard. And I believe that is what is missing right now. I never paid much attention to the nutrition part. So now I have to make more of an effort in eating the right things before a workout. Without everyone on WLR I would never have thought that nutrition was so important. Thank you all so very much!!

I was going to skip tonight but am absolutely shattered. I hardly slep last night so decided to give it a miss. A rest day is probably gonna do me some good. And I will go to bed early as I have some catching up to do. I think I slept in total about 3 hours or so. So today at work I really struggled to keep my eyes open. It felt like the longest day in my life!!

Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and chocolate whey protein
Snack: White chocolate organic
Lunch: Bolognaise sauce (no pasta). Dessert: apple and grapes
Snack: 100gr yoghurt, blueberries, strawberries, redcurrant and 15gr vanilla whey protein
Dinner: Omelette made with 2 eggs and 3 egg whites. Dessert: Cherries
Drinks: Cafe latte, 3L water

Exercise: none

Frustrated with running club

I thought I was doing well with my running and my fitness. But so do not feel like it now. Today I went to the runningclub and since 3 weeks I am in the intermediate group. And keep struggling to keep up with them. The good thing is that I have found a running buddy who runs at more or less the same speed as I do. But it is so incredibly frustrating that I can't keep up with them. I have been running for a year or so and stil can't run any faster. It is soooo frustrating. I just feel like crying now. Thank God my running buddy kept being positive and telling me I was doing well otherwise I would have given up and gone home. So annoyed and demotivated right now. I just want to cancel all my session with my PT right now. Just because I think there is no point !! I thought I was getting quite fit with all the exercise I've been doing but I can tell you that right now it doesn't feel like that at all! I don't feel fat anymore but just what is the point of all this exercise if I can't even keep with the running club!! Ok will stop my moan here ... and just go to bed! :-(

Sorry for the moan. Hopefully will feel better tomorrow. But right now I just want to give up ...

Manic day today!!

Today was a manic day at work. It was so busy and everything that could have gone wrong went wrong. And then to top it all off my Outlook decided to call it a day as I couldn't open any emails anymore. So tomorrow will have to go to IT to have it sorted. I have this before and IT told me that my Outlook might have been corrupted or infected!! Not good!!
But even with all the stress I had today I manage not to resort to food especially chocolate as I would have done in the past. Very proud of myself! I really feel like now I have turned a corner and can manage the stresses in life without going to chocolates. Although I am sure that some days I might still do it. But every time I don't I feel like I have achieved a big step in the right direction!! So all this clean eating (not 100% clean but definitely so much cleaner than a few months ago! So for me right now it is clean enough :)) is paying off and also cutting out pasta, bread, potato and rice is one of the best things I've ever done. I have to say when I am really tired and lazy I just want to eat pasta with pesto but apart from these moments I don't crave it anymore. Another very positive thing for me! Some people might say that you shouldn't cut out stuff of your diet. I totally agree with that but what works for me doesn't necessarily works for someone else. I am very much an all or nothing kind of person ... maybe something to do with the fact I am a gemini :)

Today my PT was back from holiday and we had a very good session... in the gym. I so hate the gym but I know it is good for me. That is probably the reason why I need a PT as I wouldn't be able to motivate me to do weights and stuff. And right now for me it is a good investment as it will make me feel better and look like a princess ... HA!

Breakfast: Porridge oats, sunflower seeds, skimmed milk and chocolate whey protein
Snack: Apple
Lunch: Peaches with tuna, egg mayonaise. (This is a dish our family used to have during summer) Dessert: 2 Nectarines
Snack: 100gr yoghurt, redcurrants, strawberries, blueberries and vanilla whey protein
Dinner: Same as breakfast - couldn't be bothered with cooking anything. My arms feel like jelly after my workout. I have to start to be more organised and cook something over the w-e and freeze it! Dessert: Grapes
Drinks: Cafe latte, 3L water and energy drink

Exercise: Gym session with PT

Improvements

Today was my last session with my replacement PT Angela and it was a very though session. My foot was hurting as my laces were not tight enough yesterday so it was a bit sore, I am having a cold and feel absolutely awful so unnecessary to say that the last thing I want to do is going out for a run and having someone pushing you!! But anyway I am not one to just cancel a session with no good reason. So I went totally not motivated but it was a very good session. She told me that she could really see some improvement since last week and that I was doing really well and that now I should do some sprints to increase my speed as I am quite good in long distance running. So that was very pleasing to hear! I feel so much better and don't feel so fat or overweight anymore. I can really see that my shape is changing. So I feel good and my motivation is very high right now! Long may it continue :)

Yesterday was weigh day and I put on 1 kg but the fat number on my scale went down from 35.5 to 34.7. So I wasn't too downhearted about it. I think what also helped is that my focus has changed for wanting to exercise to lose weight now it is exercising to do a triathlon next year. And can really feel a shift in my head and in the way I cope with my weight. And I feel so free from any burden of having to lose every week. Right now my fitness is my main focus and it is good. Now I realise that just focussing on weightloss wasn't good for me and often made me feel down and depressed. So this is the new me!!

Now with all this exercising I struggle to eat something afterwards. I am often home at 9pm and then can't be bothered to cook anything no even an omelette. So this week I often had porridge twice a day (breakfast and dinner). I am not too sure whether it is good. Have to find something for when I come back or maybe cook something over the w-e and freeze it. But I am not the most organised person in the world so that will need some get used too!!

Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and choc whey protein
Pre workout: 1/2 banana
Post workout: Banana protein shake
Lunch: Cheesey omelette with 1 egg and 2 egg whites. Dessert: Cherries
Snack: watermelon and too many cashwe nuts (have to stop buying these!!)
Dinner: King prawns and a fresh tomato salad. Dessert: Melon and red currant
Drinks: 3L water, Energy drink

Exercise: Run with Angela PT

Skipping!

On WLR someone mentioned that she started skipping again. And I remember that I used to love it when I was a little girl. So last night deicded to give a go. I wasn't expecting anything from it as I haven't done for a very long time. Anyways I started and to my surprise I was able to do 150 skips in one go. So did that for 22 minutes with a 30 sec break after every 150 skips and it burned me about 200 calories. I was very pleased with myself. And will probably do it again. Now I realise how much my finess has improved. When I finished my skipping session I did 3x planks for about 45sec. So all in all a good workout for me.

After that I went to meet up with friends to the pub. And now when I go out I always look out for the healthy stuff as opposed to the hevay creamy, fatty stuff. So it looks like the shift in my haed has taken place. I hope it will stay like that for a long time. Feels good! :) So now I don't feel too bad going out as I can control what goes in my mouth...

This evening I see Angela for another run. Looking forward ot it although I am very tired and can't wait to just be home afterwards in my PJs and chilling out! :)

Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and chocolate whey protein
Snack: 3 Oat cakes
Lunch: Mixed salad from the salad bar at work. Dessert: Cantaloupe melon
Snack: 60gr yoghurt, blueberries, red currants and 10gr. vanilla whey protein
Pre workout: Banana
Post workout: Banana protein shake
Dinner: Porridge (same as breakfast. Can't feel my legs and arms anymore after my workout so no energy to cook anything. Have to get more organised for this). Dessert: Grapes
Snack: Depends if I feel like having one.
Drinks: Cafe latte, 4L water, Energy drink

Exercise: Run with Angela PT