My blog is called "Caroline's diet blog" and the last few entries have been everything except "diet" but more "emotions"... :) Oh well my emotions often get the better of me and it is a good release to write in down in my blog. And to get lovely support messages is just great! So will keep talking about my emotions and how I feel..

Yesterday I spoke to a close friend about my life ... hehe what else?? Well especially how to change it. As right now I am not very happy in my job and then not having a boyfriend is not going to help. Usually if you like your job the rest of life is good too but for me as my job is not great the rest of my life suffers from that too. But now have decided that I have to change the things that I can change. So at the moment can't change anything about the job situation except that I am looking for one. I was more talking about my life outside of work. Now I don't want the negative feelings surrounding my job to take over my personal life. So now will do more during evenings and w-e so have the feeling that I have my life back. As before my holiday I was often just vegetating at home and that was part of the problem. So here is the new me... take control of my life and destiny!! I hope I will keep this attitude for a long time.

Tomorrow I will see my PT again and not looking forward to it as he messed with my feelings and I don't like that! I think he crossed a line that should never have crossed. And I let that happen so he is not the only one to blame for that.. But I have to stop it right there and right now. Not easy...
I have been wondering if I should just stop these sessions with him but have to say that he is a good trainer. And he will get me where I want to be. So from now on I have to see this as a business relationship and keep all the emotions out of it!! Not very easy to do especially as I am a very emotional person. But hey we will see how it will goes. I have been thinking about go to a female PT (the one that replaces my PT when he can't)but as I mentioned a while back I don't like to have a female PT (Sorry Choccy!! Not meant in a sexist way at all but you already know that :)). So for the time being I will carry on with him and also I have paid him to the next few sessions so will go till the end of that and then will re-assess the situation. Maybe that is going to motivate me to push me harder so once I get to where I want I can stop these PT sessions and look for something different to do!! It will have to be in a group as that will motivate me. I am not that type of person who can motivate herself. It has never worked in the past ...

Another one of my non diet related posts :)

xxxxx

400 steps...

When I was in Quebec we had to climb the 400 steps to get into the town centre. And before we started we thought 400 steps !?! that is just ridiculous. But off we went and we were at the top of the 400 before we realised it!

So today decided to do the 400 steps but on my stairs in my house. I counted them and there were 13steps. So i did 33 times and woohoo I've done my 400 steps. I did them in 3 sets as I won't have been able to do it in one go and is pretty boring to do in one go. I was very happy with myself. I also did squats; lunges, arms, planks. And I burned 300 calories and 50% of that was fat. Never burned so much fat in one session. So all in all a very good workout and very pleased now. I am off for some clothes shopping as my wardrobe is pretty empty now! :) Haven't decided where I will go probably go to the Oracle in Reading. I haven't been there for years. Now that I fit in a 14 size I should be able to find plenty of clothes!!

I am amazed that I got straight into my exercise routine after my holiday. Probably what has helped is that I saw my PT the first day back and that has kept me in the right frame of mind ... at least what my exercise routine is concerned. My food is still not how I want it to be but the good news is that I have lost the 1kg I put during holiday. So I can't really complain about it.

So all is well in my little drama world :)

Hope you all have a great Sunday!

xxx

So happy it is w-e and I can sleep and sleep and sleep more!! I am still recovering from my jet lag. I can't believe it is taking that long to recover from it!

Today saw my counselor after a break of 6 weeks. This is the longest break I had since I started my sessions with her. And so much has happened that I forgot actually where to start. Especially as now I feel much happier again. And also writing stuff down in my blog helps to release all the emotional stress/tension (or however you want to call it!) so I kind of forgot all that happened. I even forgot how bad I felt before my holiday. This is the new ME! Doing things differently as I definitely don't want to be in the same position as before my holiday. My head feels free of all issues and it feels I can just enjoy life again :)

Went for a 5K run this afternoon in 34 min... not very fast but I really enjoyed it! Now at least I have something to work from. My aim is to do this under 30min. There is some hard work to do there :) I love this colder weather for the running. It is so refreshing to go out! I prefer this than when it is much warmer...

Next week am gonna see some of my closest friends and can't wait to see them and get loads of hugs!! They always make me feel special, gorgeous and beautiful!! Sorry sound cheesy ... but they really make you feel special and getting all these hugs is just fab!! I love hugs...

I found this lovely ice cream. It is Greek yogurt with honey and almonds. It is absolutely gorgeous. Wasn't sure when I bought it. And it was only 126 cal for 100gr... just enough for me!

Yum Yum Yum Yum

More positive today ...

Feeling much better today. My head is clearer and my spirits are up again. But I am still very tired. The jetlag is really taking its toll. It is taking much longer than I ever imagined. But hey one more day to go after this one and then I can have a major lie in! Can't wait for that!

I have this funny (is probably not the right way to describe it!) feeling that my life is going to change radically for the better. So that nothing will be like before. It is really strange but in a way I love it. As I am definitely up for something different. I keep thinking about what it might be. It is like now I am ready to make change and now waiting for the changes to come to me. I already feel that my focus has changed from before my holiday.

One thing that I don't like is routine... And I am sure I won't be the only one feeling like that after a holiday where there was no routine whatsoever. Loved it to just get up and discover the world!! Was bliss :)
I also realise that you need a routine in life but this is not much fun! So have to find a way of making it exciting and fun!! Unfortunately can't change the time I start work or see my PT and stuff like that but everythign else has to be more exciting ... Any ideas?

I will start with writing my food down from next week as this week is not very good. I eat a lot of fruit and have a soup but apart from that the veggies are very low and in the evening I am too tired to cook. As I haven't much on this w-e I will cook some meals and freeze them.

xxx

Every year around the time my dad died I feel the same way. I am crying all the time without any obvious reason, I can't be bothered with anything, at work everything is too much and am so not motivated and I don't even care if I lose my job. Obviously in a few days, maybe even tomorrow, I will feel totally different. This is what they call is part of the mourning process. But fun is something else!! I know it is good to cry to let it out but at work they wonder what is going on. And I am not the one that will talk to people at work about it. I found it already hard enough to tell my friends this so let alone my colleagues ... who to be honest couldn't care less!! Or at least my colleagues...

I didn't want this to be a negative post because I still feel blessed to have had the dad I had. It is just hard to miss him like that!! But I'd rather have it that way and remember the great times we had than the opposite.

Was talking to a colleague about my holidays and stuff and then she mentioned that every friday night she is going out with whoever wants to come to Ealing. She is Canadian and the people going are most of them also Canadian. And she told me if I wanted to join them I am more than welcome. Well that has cheered me up! It would be good to do that every Friday and see new faces. Just what I need! Now I just have to face my shyness fears to meet new people... It is the same thing all over every time I go somewhere I don't know people. But that is the only way I will meet people and hopefully meet the man of my dreams :) And I know Canadian people are very nice people and very open so hopefully that will help me feel confortable with them... Will let you know how it went....

Foodwise it is still not great as am not eating a lot of veggies. But now I just want to get used to being back and get my routine back. As now it is all over the place. Will be good when it is all back to normal. My sleeping pattern is not great either but that I don't know whether it is because of the jetlag of my dad. So hopefully by the end of the week everything should be OK!!

xxxx

Miss you dad....

Today I feel a bit sad as it is the day that my dad died 6 years ago. And I remember the phone call I got from my sister to tell me and all the emotional stress that followed. But on the other hand I know he is happy there and I feel blessed to have had a dad like him. I was very much a daddy's girl and miss him very much. I know he didn't want to grow old and that his children would have to look after him and he was very worried about that. And just for that reason I am happy for him that he doesn't have to go through that! But it still hurts not to have him here anymore and hear his voice and how happy he always was to see me. But then again I have great memories of him that I will treasure for the rest of my life! And that is more important than wondering what could have been ... I can't change anything to the situation but I just want him to be proud of me!!!

xxxx

I'm back ....

And yes … I am back from my fab holiday. Just what I needed. Before my holiday I was so down, emotional,… and now I feel so good and positive. I was able to totally switch off and forget about everything back home and everything that got me so irritated before my holiday. Today I am still in a holiday mood. And can’t stop smiling while people here at work are stressed and grumpy!! Amazing what a fab holiday can do to you! :)

A bit more about my trip now … I went with my friend B on holiday. We have been on holiday before and we fell out for several reason but more because there were 3 of us and she felt left out. We patched up everything since then and have become really good friends. Although all this falling out was in the past it was still in the back of our minds and we openly admitted it!
We had so much fun. It was like 2 silly teenagers going on holiday. And we laughed for the simplest of things.

Just to give you an idea of your big adventure … here is the itinerary:
Montreal – stayed there 3 nights. The longest we stayed at one place :)
Drive to Niagara Falls and stay over one night
Visit the Niagara Falls and drive in the afternoon to Toronto. Stay in Toronto just for the night.
Visit Toronto just for the day. Way to short but we didn’t have enough time to stay longer as we had a busy schedule ahead. I loved that city. There was so much going on.
Drive to Quebec. Had to do an overnight stay on the way as it was too long to do it in one go.
Arrive at Quebec and stayed overnight. Visited the city and left the next day. It is a very nice town and people are so very friendly. There really are interested in how you are and not about the weather and stuff :)
Next day drove to Tadoussac to see the whales and black bears. We went on a cruise trip and saw some whales. It was fab. And then in the afternoon we went to see the black bears. Fab fab fab … love them!!
Then for the next 3 days we drove through la Gaspésie which is a beautiful countryside. The weather wasn’t great so we didn’t manage to do everything we wanted but the colours were absolutely gorgeous.
Then back to Montreal for the night as we were to Boston by coach. Yes by coach … an 11 hour journey!! I thought we would never get there. That was actually the only day that we didn’t do any type of exercise.
We stayed in Boston for 2 night. It is a great city with lots to do and people are still quite friendly. Although I prefer the Canadian people…
And then back to London :-( :-( I so didn’t want to go back home. I loved it there so much… But that is a good sign too as it means I totally chilled out and can face all the challenges ahead!! So now you have an idea of the things I’ve done.

Food wise I didn’t have too much bread and tried to go for chicken/fish with veggies rather than the cheese or greasy option. I had bread one day for breakfast and lunch and was totally blocked up and couldn’t go the loo so stopped eating that!!

Exercise wise we walked a lot every single day except the day that we travelled to Boston. We went running 5 times during our trip which is great as it is something I have never done in my previous holiday. One day we even went for a run at 7am … you have to know that I am not a morning person at all and for me exercising at that time doesn’t come in the equation usually. But we wanted to go running and that was the only time we could it that day!!

This morning when I went on the scales I was happily surprised that I only put on 1 kilo during my 2 weeks holiday. Very impressed with myself. Although I haven’t really looked to be good all the exercising much be the key and no bread too… We still had a few glasses of wine every night and lots of sweeties (pick ‘n mix type of things). I only have these sweets when I am on holiday. So maybe now I have found the recipe to go on holiday and not ruin my hard work.

Finally a positive post after my quite negative post before my holiday … Feeling good right now. I hope it will last :)

I hope you are all well

xxxxxx