Caroline's Blog

HAVE MOVED MY BLOG!!!

2010-01-20T13:03:00.002Z

Hi All,

Due to nobody being able to post on here I have changed my blog. Here is the link: http://caroline68.wordpress.com/

Hope to see you ther :)

Caroline xxx

Weigh in

2010-01-19T10:12:00.000Z

Weigh in today … and what a nice surprise it was! I lost 1.7 kg this week. I couldn’t believe as I normally never lose that much in one week. And then I’ve been going out twice this week! So upping my exercising has really paid off this week by the looks of it!
And the other really great thing is that since I started the kettle bells my fat has gone down too. I’ve only done kettle bells twice but in these 2 weeks it has gone down from 34.3kg to 32.8kg which is massive for me! And I know that this is not an accurate number but just seeing this number going down is absolutely fantastic for me! So kettle bells is definitely the way to go for me! I love it. It is so very very hard work !! It is only a 30 min session but I don’t think I could do any longer right now! And when I see the benefits of it I don’t really need to do it any longer! And the other thing which is great is that it replaces my weight workout at the gym! And for me this is big as I really dislike the gym so much. And now I have found something I really like and see the result very quickly! So very happy indeed today :)

I have also upped my loss rate to 750gr/week now so it will push to exercise more too. Now I exercise 5 times a week and it is really do-able! I don’t feel like I have to force myself! Right now I love the exercising and am so very motivated also regarding my food! It has been a long time that I have felt like that. And I really love it! Long may it continue…

In May I am going on a girly holiday to Marrakech and want to have lost around 8kg. So I am on a mission but at this rate I might get there even sooner than that!!

Have a great day!!

xx

Kettle Bell

2010-01-12T11:25:00.000Z

Yesterday I did my first ever Kettle bell workout. I didn’t know what to expect at all! It soooo hard work and the movements are so different than what I am used to. But it was good and the trainer was great at helping me with my posture and everything. It was just 30min but boy what was that hard work. I really enjoyed it and I am now looking forward to my weekly session. And he told me that it will definitely help with my running. So it is all good! I am very happy that I started something new. As the gym is really coming out of my ears. I never really liked the gym but now it is even worse than that!! So the kettle bell is a welcome relief for me. I am just not sure if it can replace a gym workout. I will definitely carry on with my running as I absolutely love it and will start doing some cycling as I would like to enter a duathlon race. But right now I am not capable of sitting on a bike for 20K or so.
Someone suggested to me to enter a 10K race at the end of the month. She runs much faster than me but she is willing to do it with me. So might enter that race! The 1st ever race I will do. I am getting a bit nervous just thinking about it.

Today is weigh in day and I lost 400gr. It is ok. I was hoping on more but I am happy that I am losing again. Especially as last week I was hit by a cookies monster 3 days in a row. At least now the cookies are gone and no temptation whatsoever. It is funny that now that I start my week from fresh I am more motivated to stay on track and exercise a lot! Last week I binged a lot and then I wasn’t too motivated to do anything. But today is another day in paradise!!

My trainer is stuck in Lanzarote. He apparently can’t come back due to the weather. He was suppose to come back last week. Maybe this week… So I have had some other trainers that replaced him. It was good to do it with other people. And it really made me think about training … and that I can’t rely on trainers all the time to make me exercise. But then again my motivation is not always there. So not too sure what to do right now. For the time being I will carry on as it is and see from there. Sometimes I feel really weak that I can’t stay motivated unless someone is there to push me. And I realise that is how I am at work often too. I still hope that one day I will be able to motivate myself without the help on anyone else!!

Great day to you all!!

2010-01-09T09:01:00.003Z

After my quite negative post of yesterday I am much more positive today. Today I was suppose to go to Belgium but due to the weather conditions and the Eurostar I have cancelled my trip. I think it was going to be too much hassle. And talking to my family I realised that the weather in Belgium will be as bad as here and I might even miss the party. And that was the whole reason why I went. I am a bit disappointment but also relieved not to be stuck for hours at the station. So today have decided that I am going watch a tennis game of the belgians today and then will head into London for some therapy shopping!

Hopefully I will start my kettlebell training on Monday. It will be confirmed tomorrow. Looking forward to it! I thought of bying some dumbbell/barbell but then decided against it as I am not sure if I would use this so often at home especially if I am gonna start with the kettlebell on top of my gym session. Maybe I am just gonna buy some heavier dumbbell.

I have increased my target weightloss of the week to 750gr a week. The idea behind is that I will be forced to exercise more as living on 1250cal is not enough for me! So we will see how that is gonna work out! If I struggle to much then I go back to 500gr again. It shouldn't be a struggle so we'll see!

OK off to watch the tennis now!

See you later xxxxx

Emotional Eating

2010-01-08T08:58:00.005Z

This week I have realised that I have struggled more than usual with emotional eating. A few things happened this week and this has caused it! I think I always had issues with that but ever since I am exercising 4-5 times a week I got it under control. But this week probably due to the fact that with the snow/ice I can’t go running and my exercise regime is gone to pot!! Now I also realise how much I rely on my routine and when it gets messed up I do not have a B plan! And now I have to have a B plan as the snow/ice is not gonna go for the next week or so!
First of all I don’t really like the gym but I know that it is good for me! And was in a routine where I was happy with it. Now again because of the weather conditions I have been gone running since before Christmas and it really gets on my nerves. The buzz I get from running is fab but I don’t get that from a weight session! I know I have to carry on with the weight session as I can see the changes in my shape. So basically I will be so happy when the snow has melted and I can go for my runs again. I missed it soooo much. Ok this is extreme weather conditions but why is it that I feel despondent of the weather. Up till now it has never affected me that way. And now I start to resent the snow. And in the past I loved the snow. It is so beautiful!!

On a positive note – I am going to Belgium this weekend for the 50th birthday of my brother in law. And this is probably just what I need right now. I haven’t seen my family in ages. So it will be good to catch up with them … although quite short!! And hopefully when I am back it will give the kick I need to get on the wagon again. I thought I was so motivated after the New Year but it has waded very quickly!! I have been attacked by the cookies monster 2 days in a row and that has to stop now! I will give the remainders of the cookies to a friend as I don’t have the mental toughness right now to say “no” to them!!

I am still waiting to know about my kettle bells training. I found someone but now it is about finding a day and time and looks to be quite difficult. I am really excited to start and see if I like it! I’ve read so many good things about it and everyone is raving about it!! So I definitely hope we sort out a day for this. That will probably also kick in my healthy exercise plan again.

The frustrating thing is that I do really well during the whole day and then in the evening the cookies monster comes out and then that is it! Healthy eating plan thrown out of the window! And then I am so cold that I don’t have the energy to even just to get up of the sofa!! So yes this has to change as I don’t feel good about it!!

So as of Monday the positive healthy me will be back with a vengeance!! :)

Have a great w-e all!!
xxxx

Back on track officially!

2010-01-05T10:28:00.002Z

Today I am officially back on the wagon. I thought I was doing so well untill after my dinner. I stuck to my planned food and the little demon popped his head and I finishe a whole packet of biscuits "petit beurres". I couldn't stop eating them. Well at least they are finished now.. Today is my weigh in day so I can now start properly again! I was quite cross with myself yesterday but hey I realised as well that one day is not gonna ruin my motivation to get back on track.

Today I go the gym which I am not looking forward to it as I don't really like it but I know it is good for me. I think I have found someone who will give me kettlebells training and I am looking forward to that. But it is on a Monday and for some very weird reason I really don't like to exercise on a Monday. But that is the only day that might fit for both of us! So then I thought well why not!! It is not officially confirmed but I hope it will! Something new is always exiting... And as I get bored easily with the same thing I hope the kettlebells will spice it up a bit! For me the gym remains a gym ... you change your routine and stuff but it is still a gym! So that is also the reason why I have a PT because I know I couldn't get motivated to do weights on my own!

OK so my starting weight is 84kg and my goal is still 70kg and I should get there by May just in time for my birtday :)

xxx

1st day back at work

2010-01-04T12:10:00.003Z

1st day back at work in 2010 and my word it is so hard to get back into the swing of things! I had to shock of my life when I heard my alarm clock again this morning. Gosh how much I hate these things.... I almost fell out of bed... :)

Anyway I don't usually do New Year resolutions but I suppose this is one. I start to walk to work now every day. It takes me 20 minutes to get there so it is not too bad. And I have to say in this cold crisp weather I absolutely loved it. And as I am so not a morning person this walk really wakes me up!! So another benefit to walking. And it also earns me a few more calories to eat.

I have decided to change my rate of weightloss on WLR to 750gr. It used to be 500gr. So that will force me too to exercise more as living on 1250 calories is definitely quite low for me! But with me exercising 5 times a week I should be fine at the end of the week. And although I am not too keen on changes I sometimes think that changes are good for you. What better day to do at the beginning of the year!!

Now I realise how much I was eating during the Christmas break. I took to work the same amount of food I did before the Christmas break and I am so terribly hungry today. But I will not go down to the canteen to get me something sweet. I will survive this day of less food!

I have to lose another 14kg and WLR tells me that I will get there by mid May. So looking forward to that! Will I one day be that weight. I still cannot believe it! If I do I'll have a big party and invite everyone who helped me along the way!!

Food:
Breakfast: Oatso simple sweet cinnamon + 200m; skimmed milk
Snack: Apple
Lunch: Mixed salad, breadcrumbs and delicious French dressing. Dessert: Strawberries (80gr) and blueberries (56gr) with a tsp of agave nectar (absolutely lovely)
Snack: 100gr carrots and 40gr houmous
Dinner: Omelette made with 2 eggs and 80ml egg whites and smoked salmon. Dessert: Cherries
Drinks: Caffe latte, 2L water

Exercise: Walking to work

2009-12-31T13:41:00.002Z

After a break of blogging decided to start again. I can't realise it is almost a month ago since my last post. During the month of December I have done a lot of thinking ... as I always do! I have made a huge decision. For the past 6 years or so I have been seeing a counsellor who helped me to get through the darkest years of my life. And I don't think that without her I would be the person I am today. I will always be grateful for everything she thaught me and learned to accept myself the way I am. Now I have made the decision to go alone without her help as I think I am strong enough to cope. I feels quite scary as she was the one that has kept me sane all these years. But on the other hand I feel very proud of how far I've come. So this is the big decision. The thing is that I know I can always go back to see her if I ever need to. But right now I want to deal with it on my own. So my blog entries will be a lot about how I feel too and not always fitness or diet related. And I believe that writing it down helps already a huge lot...

Exercise:
PT: The exercise part is still the same. I will still see my PT as I still want to do this duathlon this year and he will help to achieve this. And I still want this fabulous beach body by the summer :) I am also looking into having some kettlebell training too. Unfortunately my PT doesn't do that. But I have found 2 around where I live. So would love to do different things. And so many people are raving about it. I want to give it a go...
Runningclub: I now want to go there every week. I have enjoyed the last few weeks in December.
I would like to exercise 5 times a week again, preferable 6. But I will start with 6.

Food:
I will log all my food again with WLR. It has helped me quite a bit the few weeks before I went away for Christmas. I stopped counting for most part of the summer. But now I want to control more what I eat and make sure I don't eat too much and have enough protein. As that is still on the low side!

Happy New Year to you all!!

Caroline xxxx

Back to the runningclub ...

2009-12-10T09:39:00.002Z

And I loved it! I was very nervous as I haven't been since September. I went back to the beginners and I really enjoyed it! It was a good pace for me and I still earned another 600 calories for one hour. So I was very pleased with myself. So I have decided to carry on going now and stay with the beginners till my fitness picks up again. As after 2 weeks of no activity whatsover due to a nasty bug i could see that I've lost my fitness quite a bit! Amasing how in 2 weeks you can lose so much of your fitness. But hey now I am more motivated again to keep going. I think sometimes a break can help to refocus and put more effort into things. The only thing that I am not gonna do this week is to push it.

A while back I wanted to exercise 6 times a week and never managed to do so. So now I have decided to stick with the 5x a week and not get stressed about the 6x. For me 5x is pretty good going and if I can keep that up then I will be very happy when the Bikini season is there :) I can't even remember last I had a bikini!!

Good day to you all!

xxx

2009-12-08T12:59:00.002Z

Woohoo!! Very happy today as I have lost the 1kg I put on while my friends were here. I didn't think I was that focussed but something happened and am very happy about it...

Now I have to concentrate to up my protein level. As that is still on the low side. I have changed my nutrition profile to Carb 45%, Protein 30% and Fat 25%. I never realised how many carbs I was eating during the day. So now want to make sure my protein level are good too! That is probably why I never kept the weight off as I was often hungry.

Tonight I will see my PT and am a bit nervous as last time I almost fainted. And somehow it has stuck in my brain. Although now I feel much better. But I felt OK last time I saw him so we'll see! And he didn't even push me hard... I am probably worrying for nothing. But I definitely won't overdo it on the exercise front this week.

Food for today:
Breakfast: Oatso simple sweet cinnamon + 180ml skimmed milk
Snack: Orange
Lunch: Brown bap with egg mayo. Dessert: strawberries and blueberries and a bit of agave nectar (Yummy!!)
Snack: Provamel banana flavour
Post workout: Protein shake
Dinner: Wholemeal pitta with sweet chilli chicken, tomatoes, cucumber and mayo. Dessert: TBC
Drinks: 1 Caffe latte, 3L water, 1 Energy drink

Exercise: PT session in the gym probably

2009-12-07T14:03:00.002Z

I’m quite pleased with myself. I haven’t exercises for the last 2 weeks or so and on Saturday night I went to a big party where there was lots of eating and drinking. This morning I got on the scales (one day earlier than my weigh in day) and I was still the same as on Friday (a day before the party). Well I have to admit I didn’t drink a lot of alcohol as I wasn’t feeling great. I am still suffering from a bug or something nasty. I still don’t feel 100% today… But I was pleased that I didn’t put on any weight as I was dreading it a bit.

Tomorrow I start again with the exercising. I see my PT then and will see how I cope. And will decide how many times I will exercise this week. Last time I saw him I almost fainted after 15min because I was feeling so rubbish! I am a bit nervous to go and exercise again. As that feeling was quite terrifying. Not too keen to that again !!! But right now I start to feel a bit down and then realised that I haven’t exercised for 2 weeks or so. So want to get back into it as soon as I can!

My date on Friday didn’t really go according to plan. I thought we were gonna have a meal and then see a movie. But after the meal he wanted to go home and never mentioned anything about the movie. So my night out was just a few hours. I found that very strange. Someone who “supposedly” was very keen to see me!! So have decided not to contact him again and see when he will contact me! If he does so … I haven’t heard from him sofar!

So really need to get back into exercising to clear my head… as I start to notice that I get irritated for really minor things! No wonder my friends tease me by saying I am a drama queen!! I probably am … :) My counsellor told me that I am just very sensitive!! That is just a nice way of saying the same thing. HA…

Anyway here is my food for today:
Breakfast: Oatso simple golden syrup + 180 skimmed milk
Snack: 2 Clementine
Lunch: Bagel + Philly light basil + wafer thin ham, Chicken soup. Dessert: Orange
Snack: 100gr yogurt + 70gr strawberries + 70gr blueberries + 15gr whey protein banana
Dinner: wholemeal pasta with something (not too sure what yet!!)
Drinks: 3L water, 2 coffees latte

Exercise: None

2009-12-02T12:47:00.002Z

Today the dizzyness has make way for a heavy cold. Considering that everyone in the office is sneezing and coughing it is not a surprise that I get it now too. But I'd rather have a cold than dealing with dizzyness. That was pretty awful. At least a cold is just a cold. It can make you feel really rundown but it is just a cold after all!!

I won't do any exercises till Saturday when I see my PT again. I was debating earlier if I would go for a run. But have decided against it. As my body was telling me to take it easy and that is what I am going to do. Maybe I was overdoing it a bit too before I got ill and my immune system went downhill.

Anyway on Friday I go on a date. It is the 3rd time we meet up. I think I quite like the guy. I am definitely looking forward to it. I haven't been on a 3rd date for ages so hopefully I will still be happy on Saturday. He seems quite keen though ... which is good!

Saturday I have a big party to go to where there will be lots of drinking, eating and dancing involved. I am really looking forward to it. We have it every year and it is such great fun!

Food:
Breakfast: Oatso simple Sweet cinnamon and 180ml skimmed milk
Snack: Apple
Lunch: Bagel + philly light basil. Dessert: 2 Satsumas
Snack: 100gr yogurt, 80gr strawberries, 60gr blueberries and 10gr vanilla whey protein
Dinner: Fish pie. Dessert: Pear
Snack: TBC
Drinks: 3L water, 2 Cappucino skinny Nescafe

Exercise: None

New start ... again

2009-12-01T13:12:00.003Z

Today my healthy lifestyle starts again. I had friends over for the last 4 weeks and decided not to log anything and just enjoy their company. I still carried on with the exercising though. This morning I got on the scales and I put on 1kg. I was quite pleased that it wasn't more. So now I hope it will go off quite quickly...

My new weigh in day is now Tuesday. It used to be Friday but wanted to do things differently and starting it on a different day might do the trick! So my start weight is 84.4kg. As per WLR I should get to my weight goal which is 70kg by June next year. Just in time for the bikini weather ... :)

Not too sure why but I am quite excited about it all ...again!!

Exercise wise is still gonna be quite low as I am recovering from a nasty bug. I have been suffering from dizziness, shakiness and general no energy whatsoever. I had it since last Thursday and decided to give my body a rest and only start exercising again once my body gives me the go ahead!!

Here is my food for today:

Breakfast: Oatso simple golden syrup and 180ml skimmed milk

Snack: Apple

Lunch: 104gr wholewheat pasta and LF pesto. Dessert: Pear

Snack: 100gr yogurt, 60gr blueberries and 80gr strawberries and 10gr vanilla whey protein

Dinner: Salmon and asparagus gratin. Dessert: 2 satsumas

Snack: TBC

Drinks: 3L water

Exercise: None

Normal service has resumed .....

2009-11-25T10:04:00.002Z

Funny that since I wrote this quite depressing post I have picked myself up again and feel much better about everything now. Writing things down is very liberating and helps me to put everything into perspective again ... :)

I have decided to start counting calories again. I stopped doing that for a long time and it worked fine back then. But right now I need some structure again and feel quite happy with that decision. I am quite motivated right now to stick to the calories and eat healthy. That is a great feeling! I have changed my weigh in day to Tuesday so that feels quite different too! I used to be Fridays.

I was feeling quite sick yesterday but still went to my PT session. Once I got there I thought this is not the best decision I've ever made. But after 10 min into the session I felt a bit better. And we did the most of the exercises sitting down. The only thing standing up I did was the crosstrainer and after 8-9 minutes I started to feel quite dizzy but still did the full 10 minutes. I don't like to give up. I already felt like I wasn't doing well as I didn't burn a lot of calories. But then again it is better to do what I've done than being miserable on my sofa! I still burned about 360 calories. At some point I thought I wouldn't even get to 200.... So all in all it is not too bad after all!
I won't be doing any exercises till Saturday as I still don't feel quite right and am very busy too. Sometimes I push myself too much to exercise when not feeling great and then I suffer later on. So decided to just chill out and then from Saturday go for it again :)

Even though I haven't watched my food for the past 4 weeks or so my clothes still feel the same. Until today I have been exercising almost every day. Sometimes it was just a short run of 30 minutes. But now I see that all these small things help not to put on weight.... And I was walking the dog every evening. Now I am more convinced to get a dog. I love them and it is good to get out too and love the company it gives you ....

I will start writing down my food again too.

Breakfast: Oatso simple golden syrup + 180ml skimmed milk
Snack: Apple
Lunch: 6 Wholegrain ryvitas, 2x mini pots philly extra light, Chicken soup (sachet!! Not the best clean eating food but have to finish the box... as I don't like to throw things away!) Dessert: 2 Satsumas
Snack: Trek flapjack
Dinner: Roast chicken + salad + home made dressing
Snack: Protein shake
Drinks: 1 cafe latte, 3L water

Exercise: none

Not in the right place ...

2009-11-23T11:18:00.003Z

Right now my head is not in the right place to keep posting. So have decided to stop blogging till everything gets sorted in my head ...

Food is totally out of the window. My friends are still staying with me (week number 4) and then it is very hard to be healthy as they are not on a diet right now.

The good thing in all this is that I keep up with the running and my trainer too. It clears my head and keep my sanity. So hopefully will feel better soon and will start blogging again and talk about my diet and fitness and not about all the others stresses in my life right now... :)

My apologies for this very depressing post!!

Caroline xx

2009-11-17T15:40:00.001Z

Today haven't got much to report but I found that writing stuff down keeps me on the right path. And keeps me focused to stay healthy and keep exercising.

Last night went running with the dog for a 5K run and loved every second of it. This cold, crisp weather is absolutely great to get out and get some fresh air. Felt so much better afterwards.

Tonight I have another session with my PT - well the replacement as my PT is doing a triathlon training week in Lanzarote. It is OK for some :) Not too sure about the replacement as she won't probably push me as hard as my PT but I thought it is better to do it than nothing at all! And I might be surprised as how hard she might push me...

Food for today:
Breakfast: Oatso simple sweet cinnamon with 180ml skimmed milk. (First time I tried it and I absolutely loved it. It wasn't much in my bowl but it kept me full till lunchtime)
Snack: Apple
Lunch: Left over dinner - soup with rice noodles, prawns, asparagus, baby corn (absolutely lovely). Dessert: 2 Satsumas
Pre workout: Banana with almond nut butter and a protein shake
Post workout: Protein shake
Dinner: Stuffed Peppers with couscous and ratatouille. Dessert: To be decided
Snack: Probably some piece of my lovely Belgian chocolates ... Oops!!
Drinks: 1 Cafe Latte, 3L water and energy drink

Exercise: Gym session PT

1st Sprint session...

2009-11-16T14:14:00.002Z

Yesterday was the 1st time I did a proper sprint session. We did 5 sets of 5 trees. I have no idea of the distance it was but I suppose something around 50-70 metres. I think I went flat out as I struggle breathing afterwards and there was no way I could jog until the next set. So I just walked in between sets. I have to say that I was quite proud of myself that I managed 5 sets flat out. My PT kept telling me that these flat out sessions will help me a lot with my running – especially as I want to run faster. So from now on I will include some sprint session in my weekly workout. I found a 50m stretch just round the corner. I will start with that and see where it gets me. I have to say today my legs are absolutely killing me. I can hardly walk on the stairs. But I still want to do a gentle run later on with my friends dog. Or maybe just a power walk… but would rather do a run.

Yesterday food was atrocious and by the end of the evening I felt absolutely sick. I didn’t know how to sit on my sofa because I was so uncomfortable. Gosh that was painful. So from today this crap food has to stop. The thing is because my friends are staying with me and they have plenty of naughtiness in the house – I can’t stop myself from having some of it. And obviously the some of it turns into a major binge… I don’t think I have put a lot of weight as my clothes still feel the same. But I can see quite a few spots of my face and that is the direct result of crisps and choccies. So they have to go rapidly.

What I really feel right now is that after work I really need to have some fresh air. I never felt the urge before. So now when I get home and get changed and go for a run or a walk with the dog. I hope when my friends will be gone I will still carry on doing it! I think I will. Exercising is now a big part of my life. I just have to sort out my food. I know that once my friends will be gone I will go back to my healthy eating habits. It is a funny thing that ... having your friends staying with you is great but there always comes a day when you have enough and want your space again. And as soon as they leave you will miss them terribly!!! Especially these friends once they leave they go back to France and I might not see them for a few months...

On Saturday saw this guy for the 2nd time and I had a nice time. We seem to get on well and he is of a calm nature ... which is just what I need. Now I just wonder whether he is not too calm for me. But we will see. We have the same interests and we can't stop talking when we are together ... So it is all good for now!

I will start writing my food down again once everything goes back to normal.

Exercise: Gentle 5K run with the dog

2009-11-11T11:28:00.002Z

I'm happy to have my food again under control. And I am motivated to eat healthy and keep exercising. My friend make a delicious meal with lots of veggies and pasta. And it was lovely and felt very good that I am not letting everything go out of the window because my friends are staying with me! They saw the big change in me and my shape and didn't want to ruin it by not cooking/eating healthy stuff! I thought that is very nice of them...

I have decided to weigh myself when they are gone so that is probably in 2 weeks. And will see how well I've done. My clothes are still fitting the same so I don't think I have put a lot of weight. But I will let you know once it is there. Still very happy with myself that I haven't given in ... yet! But it is getting harder every day. Retraining your brain is not always an easy thing to do!

My sister is arriving tonight and is leaving on Friday again. As my friends are staying with me she will stay in a hotel close to where I live. It is all a bit very busy right now! In the past I would have let go of all my healthy habits and just eating crap food. I am very proud of myself that I have changed and see the benefits of being healthy.

Food for today:
Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and chox whey protein
Snack: Apple and pear
Lunch: Left over dinner (Yummy!) which is lots of veggies in a bouillon with pasta. Dessert: Satsumas
Pre-workout: Banana + almond nut butter and Protein shake
Post-workout: Protein shake
Dinner: going with my sister. And totally no idea where to go... Probably somewhere in Windsor
Drinks: Cappucino, 3L water and Energy drink

Exercise: PT session in the gym

Eventful run!

2009-11-10T13:02:00.003Z

I had a very stressed day yesterday with my boss. I just could feel the stress as I was hungry all the time. I now realise that when I am stressed I am hungry. Or that is what I thought but now I realise it is not hunger at all!! Anyway I got home and went for a run with my friends dog. I needed to get out and have some fresh air. I was quite proud of myself that I didn't go for the choccies...

So off we went for that run. And because I was so stressed I started off at quite a fast pace. And I loved it. The weather was cold and crispy just how I like it!! And then after about 10-15 min we passed a garden where the firework just got off. And the dog got really scared and shot off across the road. Thank God he was on a leach. Well as she was so scared and nervous I decided to run back. And again the pace was still quite fast as the dog was so nervous and just wanted to go home. So in the end I did just 25 min but at such a fast pace. It felt I ran for much longer. All in all it was good fun ... probably more for me than for the dog.

When I got back from my run my friend had been cooking a lovely healthy meal with lots of veggies. So that part was excellent yesterday and today had a salad from the canteen. So right now it is going well again. And it makes me feel better too!

On Wednesday my sister is coming and will get me more belgian choccies... Of course an offer I can't refuse! I think if I stay the same this month then I've done very well... but as I am not weighing myself now. It will be the clothes telling me how well I'm doing.

This morning I tried on a skirt that this summer was still a bit tight. And this morning it fit just perfectly. So very happy me today :)

Here is my food:
Breakfast: 50gr porridge oats, 100ml skimmed milk, 10gr sunflower seeds and 25gr choc whey protein
Snack: Apple
Lunch: Mixed salad + dressing. Dessert: Mango
Pre-workout: Banana + almond nut butter and protein shake
Post workout: Protein shake
Dinner: My friend is cooking so not too sure what it will be. But probably again a lot of veggies..
Snack: 25gr nuts
Drinks: Cappucino, 3L water and Energy drink

Exercise: PT gym session

New day ....

2009-11-09T10:41:00.002Z

OK so today I have to start to watch what I eat again. But all my good resolutions have been throw out of the window. I have still exercised 5 times last week but food was appaling. I am ashamed of my veggie count. Every week I say the same thing but I have to dosomething about it now. And Monday always seem the best day to start from fresh again. I don't think I have put on weight as my clothes still feel the same. And I still don't want to go on the scales.

My friends who are visiting me told me that they think that I don't eat enough. And I have to say I was very suprised to hear that. As I think I eat enough as I am having 5 meals a day. I know that people are funny like that and say things because they are jealous of well you are doing. But they have told me that I looked really well and skinny (probably a bit exaggerated!!) so I would be surprised if they would say I don't eat enough just because of jealously... I know that my dad was always very worried about that. Because I am very much a black and white kind of girl. So in the past when I went on a diet I could easily not eat enough (obviously not for very long as it is not sustainable!). So I started to think about what I eat and obviously I eat less than before because my stomach has shrunk. And now when I am full I just stop eating even if there is still something on my plate.. which is probably a big change for them!! Maybe they have to get used of me being different foodwise... But in a way I am glad they told me as now I will pay more attention to what I eat... as I definitely know now that you have to eat to lose weight!!

OK I am gonna leave it there as I am so grumpy this morning and my eyes are quite sore. I am still very tired. I will have to go bed early tonight otherwise my body will react to this lack of sleep of the past week ....

Here is my food for today:

Breakfast: Porridge oats, 100ml skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and chocolate whey protein
Snack: Apple
Lunch: Homemade Butternut Squash soup, rice cakes, Philly light. Dessert: Satsumas
Snack: 100gr yoghurt, blueberries, strawberries and vanilla whey protein
Dinner: Not too sure but probably a big salad with homemade dressing and chicken. But that might be different as my friend is cooking tonight...
Drinks: Caffee latte, 3L water

Exercise: Run with the dog

Happy Friday!!

2009-11-06T09:59:00.002Z

So happy it is Friday! Am actually totally shattered... Can't keep my eyes open really! Had a quite challenging week (emotionally) but managed to get through it with flying colors... So quite pleased with that!

Yesterday afternoon had half a day off and went shopping with the girls - all stuff for my house. And we had so much fun! It felt like we were back to our silly girls giggling days. And it was fab!! We were all flirting with the sales guys in the shops and they loved it to have 3 girls flirting with them....!!! I even got a date out of it! He is not my type at all (I am not even sure if he is going to call me) but it was just so much fun... :)

I haven't weighed myself for the last for almost 2 weeks and sofar I feel fine about it. Although I was quite tempted this morning to go on the scales. But will wait till I really can't wait anymore.

Right now I am exercising 5x a week. And I am very happy about that. For the moment doing it 6x a week is really a struggle especially as my friends are there and my routine is totally messed up. Hopefully next week should be easier. But still managed to do it 5x this week with my routing messed up. So quite pleased with that too!

Tonight I am going with the Canadian gang again. Right now I am so tired but I know that once I leave my work my energy levels will be up again :) And this w-e I am not doing anything special so will have plenty of time to chill out and sleep!! And sort out my veggies as have to up that in a big way!

It is weird honow that I don't weigh myself anymore on a regular basis that I don't seem to worry to much about my weight. I realise now that whether I am 1 kg less or more doesn't make me any happier. One of the things that makes me happy is to be around lovely people, still exercising 5x a week, running with the dog ... And the weight is not really that important anymore for the time being! I hope it will stay like this. For the moment I realise that numbers are just numbers and they shouldn't rule your mood!! It took me a very long time to get to this point. But boy what am I glad now that I manage that...

My food today is not going to be great. I will have porridge for breakfast and for lunch. I couldn't be bothered to think this morning about what to have. And I absolutely love porridge so that is not really an issue for me!!

This morning my kitchen scale died ... or better said the battery died! And I got really very irritated that I couldn't weigh my porridge, seeds and whey protein... So I had to guess and I am absolutely not good at this guessing game.. So will definitely have to get some new batteries!!

Happy friday to you all!!

xxxxx

Dog run!

2009-11-04T12:50:00.003Z

This morning went running with my friends dog. She is such a lovely dog - beige labrador! Anyway this morning set my alarm to go for a walk with her but as it was cold and brisk outside I decided to go running. By the way absolutely love to run in this type of weather!! Much better than a hot sunny day...
I really enjoyed it. I did my usual about 5K run in about 34 min. So I was quite impressed as running with a dog for the first time is not always the easiest thing to do! Especially as in the beginning she was sniffing everything. Which is quite normal for a dog :) but after a few minutes she got the message that we were going for a run and not a leisurely walk. She loved it too. I might do it again while they are here...

Tomorrow I will be taking half a day off in the afternoon so I can go shopping with the girls and hopefully not be too emotional about it. But we'll see what happens. They know why I am like that so that makes it easier. I am quite excited to have half a day off now and go shopping.

This is my food for today: (getting back in my good habits although the veg counts is still very poor)

Breakfast: Porridge oats, sunflower seeds, skimmed milk and choc whey protein
Snack: pear
Lunch: Rice cakes and philadelphia light basil. Dessert: pomegranate and mango
Pre-workout: Banana and almond nut butter. Protein shake
Post workout: Protein shake
Dinner: Probably my lovely porridge again
Snack: Not too sure about that.
Drinks: 1 caffee latte and 4L water

Exrecise: 34 min run with the dog + PT session

Rollercoaster

2009-11-03T15:24:00.002Z

Yesterday have been on an emotional rollercoaster. I am in the process of renovating my house. And the friends staying with me are helping me out with that. They know me so well so it is actually great to have them here. As I am not that great at making decisions especially quite big one like redecorating my house. Anyway yesterday during the day (while I was working) they went to have a look for sofa's and carpets for me...which is very nice! So after work when we went to the shops where they saw something nice to show me... And I started to get extremely emotional ... Every since my dad died I have really struggled with the money he has left us. And I want to use it wisely which is for my house. But on the other hand I found it very hard to spend that money too as I'd rather not have it and still have my dad... Sorry if this is a bit too personal ,,, but I had to get it off my chest!! So yesterday I was really stressed out and had terrible headache.

And then today it is sunshine again in my world :)... I am much calmer and can think straight again. And realised that my friends had given up on a whole day to help me out and that I should show a bit more appreciation!! So will tell them that tonight. And now also I have a better and clearer idea of what I want in my house. Amasing how one day is not another one.

This morning went for a quick walk with my friends dog. And I loved it!

Tonight I will see my PT for a though gym session!

I have decided to write down my food again as haven't done for a long long time!!

Breakfast: Porridge oats, sunflower seeds, skimmed milk and chocolate whey
Snack: 2 mandarines
Lunch: Jacket potato and cheese (Oops!!! Too many calories). Dessert: Fruit salad
Pre workout: Banana and almond nut butter and a protein shake
Post workout: Protein shake
Dinner: To be decided
Snack: Not too sure either
Drinks: 1 Caffee Latte, 3L water, Energy drink

Exercise: Gym session with PT + 15min walking the dog (Probably not enough as exercise!!)

Great w-e!!

2009-11-02T13:21:00.003Z

I had an absolute fab w-e!! Not good at all for the diet but great for everything else :)

Saturday went on a date and it went quite well. I was 15 min late which is not a very good start. But for some reason I can't be on time anywhere. I don't do it on purpose it just is. The more I try the worse it gets... So my friends and family knows that but when you go on a first date it might not be the best thing... Anyway it was great fun and we chatted for about 2-3 hours and we got on quite well and a lot in common. So for the rest of the day couldn't stop smiling ... Hopefully we will meet again and then see how it goes. I think the first date is always a bit a weird one as both are nervous...

In the evening I met up with some friends and went out for a meal. It was great fun again and still had a big smile on my face!! Again not good the flat tummy I am working on ... but hey the flat tummy will come at some point! I am so happy to be out and about and am having so much fun now ... I have always said that I don't want to stop living for a diet!! It might take longer ... so so be it!!

On Sunday I met up with my PT and we went for a great run in Virginia Waters. I told him I want a change of scenery as we always run on the same routes and I was getting bored of them. And I knew exactly when there was a bridge, a tree, a wobbly stone.... Anyway that was a tough run as it was going up and down the whole time but I burned so many calories... Amazing! I didn't feel like I was doing well but was pleasantly suprised at the result at the end.. So hopefully we will do that again. And then we went for a coffee and had a brownie. Great fun and the brownie was delicious...

And then got back and my friends from France just arrived then. They will be staying with me for the next 2-3 weeks. Great stuff. They have a lovely dog...
It was so nice because the complimented on how good I look. And how skinny my shoulders, my legs and my bum are. It was so nice to hear all this. As I have noticed that there is a lot of jealousy out there. So I felt really good about the compliment. And now I feel quite skinny...

Last week didn't exercises 6x, I only managed to do 4x. I have to make an effort to do 6x now... Well I will be running/walking with the dog. So will definitely burn more calories this week. So that is good...

xxx

2009-10-30T15:34:00.002Z

Had a very busy day at work today. It always seems that Friday is the busiest day of all. And that is the one day that I just want to wind down and be ready for the w-e! :)

Was suppose to go running yesterday but didn't get round to it. Or better I couldn't be asked to get changed... So there goes my 6x exercising this week. But hey 5x is pretty good too!! Tonight I am going out with the Canadian gang again. It is funny how now I am more nervous than last week... I always think that my shyness will come in the way of meeting people but last week went very well. So not too sure why there are so many nerves today.

Tomorrow I am going on a date. It will be the first time we meet. It could be that I am nervous because of that. So we'll see! I am looking forward to seeing him though... but it is always a bit nerveracking when you meet for the first time!! Will report on my date later on....

So have decided not to weigh myself every day anymore. I just don't want to be hung up on these numbers. So will try to weigh myself once a month or so. I was suppose to weigh today but didn't and don't feel anxious about it or that I miss something! So hopefully it will stay like this.

Hope you all have a good w-e!

xxx

Numbers...

2009-10-29T11:59:00.002Z

Lately I have found myself struggling with numbers regarding weightloss, bodyfat,... And it is something I never want to admit to myself as I thought everything was find. But now I have realised that it does bother me when the scales are not going down, that my body fat is still at 40% and so on...

Now my sessions with my PT are getting much tougher. So the result is that the scales also show that. When I weight myself the day after a weight session then I will definitely have put on some weight. And I know the reason why. But somehow this morning I had enough of weighing myself every day and being disappointed about the numbers not always going the way I want them to go. So I decided that I shouldn't get hung up on these numbers all the time and stop using the scales.

My main goal is still to get to 70kg. But that is right now such a long way off and don't want to focus on that. That is too depressing. A lot of people will tell you that it is how your clothes feel that is the main thing. And they are right. So will have to focus on that and my fitness. I have decided to exercise 6 times a week. I am still on target for this week. And as long as I do that the weight has to come off at some point. Maybe not when I want it go but it will go off. It is such a tricky thing these numbers thing ... But I have to get away of that as it is not helping me and there is more to life than numbers.

The other thing is that my social life has picked up quite a bit. So going out all the time is not going to help my weightloss. But on the other hand it makes me so much happier inside. And I am not going to put my life on hold because I want to weigh 70kg. That is soooo wrong. It might take me longer to get there but I will get there!! And the day I do I will have a massive party and invite everyone who has helped me along the way ... So you will be all invited !! :)

Food:
Breakfast: Porridge, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and chocolate whey protein
Snack: Apple
Lunch: Lentil soup. Dessert: Pear
Snack: 100gr yoghurt, strawberries, red currants and vanilla whey
Dinner: To be decided later. Not sure yet.
Drinks: 1 Cafe Latter, 3L water

Exercise: Run

2009-10-28T15:41:00.002Z

A few days ago a good friend send me belgian chocolates - the ones I love!! I said previously that I was going to keep them for a month. Well I am not doing well at all on that front as almost half of what I received I've already eaten... Not good! I know I am a chocolate monster and once I have them in the house then it is like an urge for me to eat them. There is not such thing as keeping it for another day... If I don't have them I am fine. It is not like I desperately need them! So now I am convinced it must be in my head... As I can honestly not have any piece of chocolates for months and I am fine... So what is it??? Well I've no idea... I thought now I would be able to master my chocolate urge... but NO is the answer!! But as I am enjoying it so much I am not prepared to give them up.

So decided that I have to exercise more when I have choccies!! So this week I will be exercising 6 times a week. First for all the choccies I already have and will have and the other reason is that there is no way that my PT is going to put me on this treadmill if I don't achieve any results by the end of November. A friend told me that 6x a week is a lot. It might be for some people but untill my holiday I was exercising about 4-5 times a week. So this is just once more in that week. But now that my sessions with my PT are much tougher I might have to review that. I just want to try it and see if I can do it. And if not I will go back to 5x a week.

Foodwise is still not great! I can't seem to get going in eating more veggies. I still eat more than enough fruit. And every week I tell myself that I have to eat more veggies. But sofar it hasn't gone into my brain yet! Maybe next week :)

On Sunday my best friend, her partner and the dog are coming over for a visit and staying with me for a few weeks. I am not too sure for how long. But I am so excited to see them again. They live in the South West of France and the last time I saw them was back in May. And my friend's partner is such a great cook. I am sure I won't have to worry about eating enough veggies then :) This is going to be such a luxury. I jsut have to buy the stuff and tell her what I want and she will cook it!!! Love it - Love it - love it!! :)

xxxx

This morning...

2009-10-26T10:17:00.002Z

So after my chat with my PT on Saturday I decided that I should exercise 6 times a week. So my day off will be on the Friday. Yesterday I was so shattered from my busy busy w-e I didn't go for a run. I didn't have much energy at al. So I did squats, lunges, arm dips, planks and starjumps - 3 sets of all. When I was out with my PT we did go to a sportshop and I bought some new running shoes. I had them on yesterday and am very happy with them. I wanted pink ones but didn't have tham so decided to buy them in puple/lilac type of color.

This morning set my alarm for 7am (1hr before I am usually get up) to go for a run as I wouldn't ahve time to do it tonight. My alarm went off and was debating for 10-15 min whether I should go for a run or not! But then I decided as I am awake I can aswell just go. So off I went and ran for 30min. I am very happy with myself. Especially as I am so not a morning person. And exercising at 7am is not something I would do!! I always thought that it was for dedicated people and I never thought I was one of them!! Now I am here sitting at work and my legs are quite sore! But I feel very happy and proud of myself that I've done it!! It is not something I will do every morning but when I can't exercise in the evening I will get up early and do it then! What a change in attitude for me!! I think the chat with my PT has spurred me on to exercise more as I definitely don't want to go on this treadmill ever again!!!! Just say the word treadmill and I will get up at 7am to go for a run :)

I wanted to do things differently after my holiday. Well that is one of the many things I am doing differently. And I feel great so will carry on doing it!!

Hope you all have a good Monday!!

xxx

FAB night out!

2009-10-24T17:24:00.003+01:00

Last night went out with these Canadian people I talked about it my blog. Well I had such a fab fab fab night. There are so friendly and funny. They made me feel so comfortable from the moment I got there. I was stuck in traffic so arrived an hour late. Not the best thing when you meet people for the first time. So was quite stressed ... But that quickly disappeared and haven't stopped laughing for most of the night. They told me that they expect me to see now every Friday and that I should bring stuff to stay over so if I am too tired or pissed I can stay at their place. I found this so very nice. It was just great that I was able to feel so comfortable with people that I've never met before. What a difference when I went out to the pub with the running club where I felt so out of place!!!

So when I got back home I was on such a high couldn't stop smiling. And it took me ages to wind down and go to bed. So in the end turned off my light at 2.30am..... :)

Then this morning I had a run with my PT. It was good. I burned about 760 in 1.20hr. So was very impressed with that. It is the most I've burned in one session running. So happy bunny!!

Then we went for a coffee and finished off my chat with him. And I was very happy of how he reacted and he has set me some goals such as aiming to reduce my time for my 5K to anything under 34min. We will do more sprint where you go flat out. So I suppose it is going to be like this HIIT that a lot of people are raving about. He told me too that I should do the Santa run at the end of November. It is a 5K run. He wants me to do the bleep test (not sure if that is what it is called...). That is apparantly a good way to measure your fitness.

And he is going to measure me on a monthly basis. And when I have good result then I will get a treat such a massage from him. And if I don't do well he will put me on the treadmill. That is definitely the worst thing. I so hate this piece of equipment. Just the thought of it makes me grumpy!!!! But that will motivate me even more... So all in all the chat went very well and I was still on a high from my evening out and then my great run and all the goals set. So couldn't ask for more .... untill he measured me!!!!!!

He did all the measurement with his caliper. And then the result was that I had 40% fat!!! I was so disappointed. Almost half of me is still fat... I know you shouldn't get hung up on numbers. But somehow I still do!! Some lovely people on WLR have made me realize that I was doing well and that these calipers are not 100% accurate. And that the most important thing is that I see the difference in the mirror and feel it in my clothes. And they were so right!! So want to thank them to cheer me up again!! :) The glass is half full and not half empty....

Now I am going out again. And I am really looking forward to that evening out. These are some of my closed friends and I will get lots of hugs... I can't wait for that!! :) And lots of food and drinks... Not the best thing but haven't eaten much as didn't have much time. And after my big run today I deserve it. And will enjoy every single minute of it!!! :)

And today my closest friend in Belgium has send me some of my favorite Belgian chocolates. Yum Yum.... Hope will still have some left by the end of this month and won't eat them in one go!!!! So that is another goal to still have some left by the end of November. Now hopefully that I've put it in black and white it will help me stay motivated....

All these goals I have all of a sudden!!

xxxxxxx

2009-10-22T20:47:00.002+01:00

Right now everything is going well. And I am so used to have lots of stuff going so this feel really weird. My life is a constant rollercoaster of emotions. When this happens I usually create little stories in my head to keep my head busy and often I argue with people in my head. I know it probably sound silly but that is what I do. It is like that when everything is quite something is not right. And it is not that I am expecting something to happen. No right now I feel good and quite happy with myself. I know it is not going to last but that is OK. I treasure these moments where everything goes well. And for that I have to thank all of you and my friends that support me. I don't feel on my own anymore.

Jobwise it is not great but things might change soon ... hopefully! So we'll see... So now I focus on my time outside of work and make the most of it.

I am glad that my relationship with my trainer is back to normal. I still have a few things to tell him and will do that on Saturday. I'm not looking forward to it as I hate confrontation and usually would do everything to avoid them. But now I can't. And I know I have to clear the air so it is all out in the open. My trainer already told me that he was happy we told about stuff. So that should make it easy and he knows I haven't finished. And once that is out of the way I can just focus on the training and not think about this conversation we are going to have.

I feel my head is clear again and can just enjoy life again which is a big relief.

Food is OK. Definitely not how it should be but that will come when it will click in my head. I'm still not eating crap or junk but not enough veggies. As I love fruit I have enough of them. Today I had porridge for breakfast and dinner... Today was the first time I had it warm. Usually I just have it cold with milk, seeds and whey protein and I love it. Well I had it warm today and it was ok. But am not too sure how much milk I am suppose to use. It is more filling than having it cold. So might have it again!! I actually love porridge...

xxxxx

PT

2009-10-20T20:07:00.002+01:00

Just back from my session with my PT. And I wasn't looking forward to it at all. But it went quite well.

I told him that the sessions have to be tougher as otherwise it is a waste of money. And also told him that the exercises I do have to be right for me and not just picking some machine that is free. He was very surprised when I said that. As that was totally not how he felt. I also told him that the session last week was the thoughest I had. And he couldn't believe it. But he knows I wouldn't lie about it or not just say things for the sake of it!! I also mentioned that he has to be as motivated as I am about losing weight and toning up. And that he doesn't just do it for the money. Whether he agrees or not I leave that up to him. I just had to vent my frustrations and let him know. So now I've done my bit and that is the only thing I can expect from myself. It is out in the open so it is up to him now to do something about it. And after the session we had today ... Goodness me!! That was one big though session...

But I am happy with how he reacted to everything I threw at him. In the end he is very open for changes. It is just a shame that I had to confront him with it for him to realize I wasn't happy. It would have been nice if it would have come from him!!! And I think that is the problem I had with it. OK there are the emotions attached to it too. But hey I managed them very well today. So very happy indeed...

There are still a few things that I have to tell him. But he told me that Saturday we will go for a run and then for a coffee. So that will be my moment to tell him the rest that I need to get of my chest. He knows I am someone that needs to say it when there is a problem. Otherwise I will get irritated with him for something totally unrelated with the issue... So yes right now all is good...

I have been worrying all day about this. I am someone who absolutely hates confrontation. I would avoid it any cost. But glad it is all out and that it didn't end up in a big discussion but just about talking about it. It didn't feel such a big issue anymore...

I still have to sort out my food. This is not going great right now! I am not eating naughty stuff but just don't make a lot of efforts and my veggies count is way down. Nowhere where it is supposed to be!! Have to do something about it. But have such a busy week this week... So it will be for next week.

xxx

2009-10-19T12:54:00.003+01:00

My blog is called "Caroline's diet blog" and the last few entries have been everything except "diet" but more "emotions"... :) Oh well my emotions often get the better of me and it is a good release to write in down in my blog. And to get lovely support messages is just great! So will keep talking about my emotions and how I feel..

Yesterday I spoke to a close friend about my life ... hehe what else?? Well especially how to change it. As right now I am not very happy in my job and then not having a boyfriend is not going to help. Usually if you like your job the rest of life is good too but for me as my job is not great the rest of my life suffers from that too. But now have decided that I have to change the things that I can change. So at the moment can't change anything about the job situation except that I am looking for one. I was more talking about my life outside of work. Now I don't want the negative feelings surrounding my job to take over my personal life. So now will do more during evenings and w-e so have the feeling that I have my life back. As before my holiday I was often just vegetating at home and that was part of the problem. So here is the new me... take control of my life and destiny!! I hope I will keep this attitude for a long time.

Tomorrow I will see my PT again and not looking forward to it as he messed with my feelings and I don't like that! I think he crossed a line that should never have crossed. And I let that happen so he is not the only one to blame for that.. But I have to stop it right there and right now. Not easy...
I have been wondering if I should just stop these sessions with him but have to say that he is a good trainer. And he will get me where I want to be. So from now on I have to see this as a business relationship and keep all the emotions out of it!! Not very easy to do especially as I am a very emotional person. But hey we will see how it will goes. I have been thinking about go to a female PT (the one that replaces my PT when he can't)but as I mentioned a while back I don't like to have a female PT (Sorry Choccy!! Not meant in a sexist way at all but you already know that :)). So for the time being I will carry on with him and also I have paid him to the next few sessions so will go till the end of that and then will re-assess the situation. Maybe that is going to motivate me to push me harder so once I get to where I want I can stop these PT sessions and look for something different to do!! It will have to be in a group as that will motivate me. I am not that type of person who can motivate herself. It has never worked in the past ...

Another one of my non diet related posts :)

xxxxx

400 steps...

2009-10-18T11:53:00.002+01:00

When I was in Quebec we had to climb the 400 steps to get into the town centre. And before we started we thought 400 steps !?! that is just ridiculous. But off we went and we were at the top of the 400 before we realised it!

So today decided to do the 400 steps but on my stairs in my house. I counted them and there were 13steps. So i did 33 times and woohoo I've done my 400 steps. I did them in 3 sets as I won't have been able to do it in one go and is pretty boring to do in one go. I was very happy with myself. I also did squats; lunges, arms, planks. And I burned 300 calories and 50% of that was fat. Never burned so much fat in one session. So all in all a very good workout and very pleased now. I am off for some clothes shopping as my wardrobe is pretty empty now! :) Haven't decided where I will go probably go to the Oracle in Reading. I haven't been there for years. Now that I fit in a 14 size I should be able to find plenty of clothes!!

I am amazed that I got straight into my exercise routine after my holiday. Probably what has helped is that I saw my PT the first day back and that has kept me in the right frame of mind ... at least what my exercise routine is concerned. My food is still not how I want it to be but the good news is that I have lost the 1kg I put during holiday. So I can't really complain about it.

So all is well in my little drama world :)

Hope you all have a great Sunday!

xxx

2009-10-17T20:02:00.002+01:00

So happy it is w-e and I can sleep and sleep and sleep more!! I am still recovering from my jet lag. I can't believe it is taking that long to recover from it!

Today saw my counselor after a break of 6 weeks. This is the longest break I had since I started my sessions with her. And so much has happened that I forgot actually where to start. Especially as now I feel much happier again. And also writing stuff down in my blog helps to release all the emotional stress/tension (or however you want to call it!) so I kind of forgot all that happened. I even forgot how bad I felt before my holiday. This is the new ME! Doing things differently as I definitely don't want to be in the same position as before my holiday. My head feels free of all issues and it feels I can just enjoy life again :)

Went for a 5K run this afternoon in 34 min... not very fast but I really enjoyed it! Now at least I have something to work from. My aim is to do this under 30min. There is some hard work to do there :) I love this colder weather for the running. It is so refreshing to go out! I prefer this than when it is much warmer...

Next week am gonna see some of my closest friends and can't wait to see them and get loads of hugs!! They always make me feel special, gorgeous and beautiful!! Sorry sound cheesy ... but they really make you feel special and getting all these hugs is just fab!! I love hugs...

I found this lovely ice cream. It is Greek yogurt with honey and almonds. It is absolutely gorgeous. Wasn't sure when I bought it. And it was only 126 cal for 100gr... just enough for me!

Yum Yum Yum Yum

More positive today ...

2009-10-15T16:03:00.002+01:00

Feeling much better today. My head is clearer and my spirits are up again. But I am still very tired. The jetlag is really taking its toll. It is taking much longer than I ever imagined. But hey one more day to go after this one and then I can have a major lie in! Can't wait for that!

I have this funny (is probably not the right way to describe it!) feeling that my life is going to change radically for the better. So that nothing will be like before. It is really strange but in a way I love it. As I am definitely up for something different. I keep thinking about what it might be. It is like now I am ready to make change and now waiting for the changes to come to me. I already feel that my focus has changed from before my holiday.

One thing that I don't like is routine... And I am sure I won't be the only one feeling like that after a holiday where there was no routine whatsoever. Loved it to just get up and discover the world!! Was bliss :)
I also realise that you need a routine in life but this is not much fun! So have to find a way of making it exciting and fun!! Unfortunately can't change the time I start work or see my PT and stuff like that but everythign else has to be more exciting ... Any ideas?

I will start with writing my food down from next week as this week is not very good. I eat a lot of fruit and have a soup but apart from that the veggies are very low and in the evening I am too tired to cook. As I haven't much on this w-e I will cook some meals and freeze them.

xxx

2009-10-14T13:10:00.007+01:00

Every year around the time my dad died I feel the same way. I am crying all the time without any obvious reason, I can't be bothered with anything, at work everything is too much and am so not motivated and I don't even care if I lose my job. Obviously in a few days, maybe even tomorrow, I will feel totally different. This is what they call is part of the mourning process. But fun is something else!! I know it is good to cry to let it out but at work they wonder what is going on. And I am not the one that will talk to people at work about it. I found it already hard enough to tell my friends this so let alone my colleagues ... who to be honest couldn't care less!! Or at least my colleagues...

I didn't want this to be a negative post because I still feel blessed to have had the dad I had. It is just hard to miss him like that!! But I'd rather have it that way and remember the great times we had than the opposite.

Was talking to a colleague about my holidays and stuff and then she mentioned that every friday night she is going out with whoever wants to come to Ealing. She is Canadian and the people going are most of them also Canadian. And she told me if I wanted to join them I am more than welcome. Well that has cheered me up! It would be good to do that every Friday and see new faces. Just what I need! Now I just have to face my shyness fears to meet new people... It is the same thing all over every time I go somewhere I don't know people. But that is the only way I will meet people and hopefully meet the man of my dreams :) And I know Canadian people are very nice people and very open so hopefully that will help me feel confortable with them... Will let you know how it went....

Foodwise it is still not great as am not eating a lot of veggies. But now I just want to get used to being back and get my routine back. As now it is all over the place. Will be good when it is all back to normal. My sleeping pattern is not great either but that I don't know whether it is because of the jetlag of my dad. So hopefully by the end of the week everything should be OK!!

xxxx

Miss you dad....

2009-10-13T13:36:00.005+01:00

Today I feel a bit sad as it is the day that my dad died 6 years ago. And I remember the phone call I got from my sister to tell me and all the emotional stress that followed. But on the other hand I know he is happy there and I feel blessed to have had a dad like him. I was very much a daddy's girl and miss him very much. I know he didn't want to grow old and that his children would have to look after him and he was very worried about that. And just for that reason I am happy for him that he doesn't have to go through that! But it still hurts not to have him here anymore and hear his voice and how happy he always was to see me. But then again I have great memories of him that I will treasure for the rest of my life! And that is more important than wondering what could have been ... I can't change anything to the situation but I just want him to be proud of me!!!

xxxx

I'm back ....

2009-10-12T15:54:00.001+01:00

And yes … I am back from my fab holiday. Just what I needed. Before my holiday I was so down, emotional,… and now I feel so good and positive. I was able to totally switch off and forget about everything back home and everything that got me so irritated before my holiday. Today I am still in a holiday mood. And can’t stop smiling while people here at work are stressed and grumpy!! Amazing what a fab holiday can do to you! :)

A bit more about my trip now … I went with my friend B on holiday. We have been on holiday before and we fell out for several reason but more because there were 3 of us and she felt left out. We patched up everything since then and have become really good friends. Although all this falling out was in the past it was still in the back of our minds and we openly admitted it!
We had so much fun. It was like 2 silly teenagers going on holiday. And we laughed for the simplest of things.

Just to give you an idea of your big adventure … here is the itinerary:
Montreal – stayed there 3 nights. The longest we stayed at one place :)
Drive to Niagara Falls and stay over one night
Visit the Niagara Falls and drive in the afternoon to Toronto. Stay in Toronto just for the night.
Visit Toronto just for the day. Way to short but we didn’t have enough time to stay longer as we had a busy schedule ahead. I loved that city. There was so much going on.
Drive to Quebec. Had to do an overnight stay on the way as it was too long to do it in one go.
Arrive at Quebec and stayed overnight. Visited the city and left the next day. It is a very nice town and people are so very friendly. There really are interested in how you are and not about the weather and stuff :)
Next day drove to Tadoussac to see the whales and black bears. We went on a cruise trip and saw some whales. It was fab. And then in the afternoon we went to see the black bears. Fab fab fab … love them!!
Then for the next 3 days we drove through la Gaspésie which is a beautiful countryside. The weather wasn’t great so we didn’t manage to do everything we wanted but the colours were absolutely gorgeous.
Then back to Montreal for the night as we were to Boston by coach. Yes by coach … an 11 hour journey!! I thought we would never get there. That was actually the only day that we didn’t do any type of exercise.
We stayed in Boston for 2 night. It is a great city with lots to do and people are still quite friendly. Although I prefer the Canadian people…
And then back to London :-( :-( I so didn’t want to go back home. I loved it there so much… But that is a good sign too as it means I totally chilled out and can face all the challenges ahead!! So now you have an idea of the things I’ve done.

Food wise I didn’t have too much bread and tried to go for chicken/fish with veggies rather than the cheese or greasy option. I had bread one day for breakfast and lunch and was totally blocked up and couldn’t go the loo so stopped eating that!!

Exercise wise we walked a lot every single day except the day that we travelled to Boston. We went running 5 times during our trip which is great as it is something I have never done in my previous holiday. One day we even went for a run at 7am … you have to know that I am not a morning person at all and for me exercising at that time doesn’t come in the equation usually. But we wanted to go running and that was the only time we could it that day!!

This morning when I went on the scales I was happily surprised that I only put on 1 kilo during my 2 weeks holiday. Very impressed with myself. Although I haven’t really looked to be good all the exercising much be the key and no bread too… We still had a few glasses of wine every night and lots of sweeties (pick ‘n mix type of things). I only have these sweets when I am on holiday. So maybe now I have found the recipe to go on holiday and not ruin my hard work.

Finally a positive post after my quite negative post before my holiday … Feeling good right now. I hope it will last :)

I hope you are all well

xxxxxx

OK this is it!!

2009-09-24T11:52:00.000+01:00

This is it I am going on holiday!! J So this will be my last post for a while. I am really excited to go but still quite emotional. Still not too sure why. A lot of thoughts and emotions are going through my head. So I hope this holiday will help to deal with all these thoughts and emotions. Because it is very draining and still feel like crying most of the time. So can’t wait to just get on that plane and go…

Right now I don’t know whether I feel like that because of my loneliness or whether it is because of the feelings I might have for someone or whether it is a total different reason. I am someone that likes to know why I am feeling like that. And this is the hardest part that I don’t.

But with all these struggling moments I realise that I have some really good friends that will support me and will still love me regardless of this! And that is a heart warming feeling for me! In the past I always thought I had to be cheerful and funny otherwise people wouldn’t like me!! So being down or struggling didn’t fit into that. So although now I am struggling I feel happy at the same time. Very strange feeling….

Now I am off to a holiday that will definitely put my mind on other things as it will be big adventure. We will never stay in the same place for more than 2-3 days. Just perfect for me!! Not too much time to think about stuff!! So looking forward.

And the other thing is that I’ve been seeing a counsellor for the last 5 years. She has helped me tremendously and now I won’t see her for 5 weeks. So next time I will see her will be the week after my holiday. It is a long time as usually I see her every other week or so. But maybe it is good for me too to see that I can cope without her. Although now I realise that it would be good to see her. She is a bit like my safety blanket and she has kept me sane while I was going totally off the rails.
Some people have already told me that maybe I should stop these sessions with her. I don’t like it when people make comments like that as it is my life and I am the only one that knows what goes on inside. So for the time being I will go and see her because there is still some unfinished business to take care off.

Anyway looking forward to my holiday!! See you when I get back :)

Caroline xxxx

Thank you!!

2009-09-21T20:28:00.002+01:00

This will probably be my last post before my holiday. My friend who goes on holiday with me is arriving tomorrow. She lives in Paris. So won't have much time to post.

Today was a much better day. I feel a bit better and more relaxed and looking forward to my holiday. Uptill now I couldn't be bothered to start packing and thinking about all the things I had to do. A very weird feeling as normally I would be excited weeks in advance. But I am so emotionally drained that everything makes me cry and everything is too much effort. So for me right now it is just to get through the days till Friday.

I have been a real b**** lately and it wasn't very enjoyable for those on the receiving end. So will have to do some apologising as I feel quite bad about it. I couldn't help it at the time but now I realise I shouldn't have said or behaved in the way I did. But when the emotions take over it is very hard to be realistic about stuff. I have been very lucky to have fab friends who understand me and accept that. But have also been horrible to people who do not know me that well. So some apologising is of order...

And also want to thank everyone who has helped me with their supportive comments on here and on WLR. All these comments are very heart warming and make me realise I am not on my own. And that has been a big issue in the last few days - the lonelyness!! I still found it very hard but somehow my head is clearer and am more realistic about life. And I can see the other side of tunnel now..

I still think that a dog would be ideal solution for me. I absolutely love dogs and it would be fab to have one to look after. So when I am back from holiday I have to start looking into that and see what a good dog would be. Any suggestions of which dog is recommended for a "first time dog owner" pls let me know.

So once again a BIG BIG BIG thank you to all you lovely people!!!

Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and choc whey protein
Snack: Apple
Lunch: Chilli no rice. Desset: 2 Satumas and apple
Pre workout: Banana + nut butter and a protein shake
Post workout: Protein shake
Dinner: Omelette made with 2 eggs and 3 egg whites. Dessert: Grapes
Drinks: 3L water, energy drink and Cafe Latte

Exercise: PT run

2009-09-20T21:06:00.002+01:00

Since I started taking magnesium I sleep so much better. I read about it that is promotes healthy sleep. I didn't know that. And because right now my emotions are getting the better me and there my head is buzzing and therefor sleeping is not on the agenda then. So these magnesium tablet are a welcome relief to help me sleep... I have some sleeping tablets but don't really want to take them to often as it gets very addictive.

I played tennis today and burned another 520cal. Very pleased with that! I can feel now that as I get fitter it gets harder to get to these 500 cal. So that is good news! It is just we have to play longer to get to these calories :)

Spoke to a very close friend today about why I am crying all the time. I think one the main problems is the fact that I feel quite lonely. And that is not all that easy to go out there and meet people especially as I am quite shy. It was great talking to her as she knows me quite well and know what works for me. It is a shame that she lives in France. I miss her so much. Anyway we've been talking about me having a dog. I absolutely love dogs. But never had the guts to go and buy one. First because I struggle making decisions and then also I don't know which dog to chose. It would be my first dog so don't want to have one that is too excited. In November my friend and her girlfriend are coming over and then we might have a look at dogs. I think that would be a great thing for me to have a dog. First as it is easier to meet people when walking a dog and it would help my lonelyness. And would be a great company.

Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and choc whey protein
Lunch: Camembert (a whole one!!) But I loved every single piece of it... Dessert: Pineapple
Snack: Flapjack
Dinner: Broccoli soup and roll (gluten free) with smoked salmon. Dessert: Pineapple
Snack: 3 Oat cakes
Drinks: 3L water

Exercise: Tennis 1.5 hrs

Don't read if you are down....

2009-09-19T09:25:00.003+01:00

I feel so emotional and down and all that a week before my holiday. A holiday that I have been longing to for over a year. So I think I should be happy and cheerful. But I am not. And when I look at my life I should feel really happy. I have a job, nice friends, my fitness is getting better, my weightloss is slow but is going downhill and feel much better about myself. But somehow I still focus on the negatives which is no boyfriend among other things. I have been single for too long now and wonder if ever that is going to change. And I know everyone is saying that of course I will find someone. But I am not convinced anymore. So why haven't I met him sofar? How can a boyfriend be the solution of my problems. Because it is not!!! It is like when I have a boyfriend then I am happy again. The thing is I can't say I am not happy as I feel quite content most of the time. But I feel quite lonely coming back home and having nobody here to talk to, hug, kiss,....

Yesterday my PT noticed I wasn't in the best of moods and I just told him that I was annoyed at a few people but didn't want to talk about it. So he asked me what it was and I stupidly said he was one of the things. And it is true. But because I feel so emotionally drained right now every little thing is too much. And so right now I just want to go on holiday clear my head and come back and see if all these little things are still annoying me. And the probably won't be. And that is the reason why I didn't want to talk to him about it. I also told him that I have more than enough of always moaning and complaining about everything. As usually I am not like that. I am a happy person and positive person. Right now you wouldn't think that!! My PT really wanted to know what was wrong and I said that it didn't matter but it did matter to him. I told him that it is not like I want to stop these session. I am still coming back after my holiday so no worries. He told me that because I see him more than anybody else and that I have nobody at home it is normal that I get things off my chest. And he is the one who will hear it. But that my moaning was too bad... Well of course he is going to say that!!

He is been single for 2 weeks and yesterday he said that he has someone else!!! I've been single for so much more longer and I can't meet the right guy. What is wrong with me!!!!? OK I like my PT but not in a sexual way as I don't think he is the right person for me! But I think I would like to meet someone where I have the same interaction and feel confortable as with him. So right now it is all very confusing in my head!! I am more in love in having a boyfriend than really loving him!! But I found it so hard to split the two....

I just want to be happy and positive again. I don't like this. And when I am like I am now then I just want to go into hiding. And wait till it blows over. But I should let it out. That is why I decided to write it on here. And usually I feel better afterwards and at least I have bothered anyone with this. Because in the end my life is not that bad. I have a job, a house, good health, some nice friends, finances are OK too. But still I feel poo.... And I know there so many people worse off and I should be grateful with what I have. But somehow I just focus on what I haven't got.... And it has to stop.

So my holiday comes a just the right time. And I know I will be very excited. Just wished I could go now and not having to wait for another week!!!!

Will go for a run shortly and hopefully that will help to clear my head ....

Happy Friday!!

2009-09-18T09:16:00.003+01:00

I have lost another 400gr. Woohoo!! I want to lose another kilo tby end of next week or as close to it as I can. I am happy as usually when a holiday approaches I give up on my healthy eating. But this time round it is different and it feels good. I have lost 7kg sofar in 4 months. I am quite happy with that results. So that is about 2kg per month. It is not as much as I would like but that I will get there. WLR tells me I will reach my target by march next year. So that is not too bad.

I am so very excited about my holiday. 7 days to go :) My friend who is living in France and who am going on holiday with is arriving on Tuesday. So the holiday kind of starts now. Canada here we come ...

After my holiday I will start training for a triathlon and so hopefully that will keep me on the right path while away. It feels good to have something to look forward to when I am back from holiday.

A friend asked to me a 13mile walk in Windsor but it is the day I come back from holiday so that is not gonna happen. And then she told me the start was at 5.30am!!! I was like "WHAT!?" .. It is still dark at that time. But would like to do something like that one day. Maybe not at that time of the day!!!

Breakfast: Porridge oats, sunflower seeds. skimmed milk and choc whey protein
Snack: Apple
Lunch: Peaches and tuna. Dessert: Melon and red currants
Pre-Workout: Shake + Banana and cashew nut butter
Post Workout: Shake
Dinner: Egg Omelette made with 2 eggs and 3 egg whites + Smoked trout. Dessert: Pineapple
Snack: TBC
Drinks: 1 Cafe Latte, 3L water, Energy drink

Exercise: PT gym session

Happy again...

2009-09-13T18:48:00.002+01:00

Last night spoke to Natasja, best friend, about my shyness in the pub and the guy on this dating site who didn't reply. And it was good to talk to her as she knows me better than anyone else and realise that my shyness is not always a bad thing. After that conversation I realised I am way to harsh on myself and I should take one step at the time and that everything will be fine.

Welcome to my drama world... :)

This morning the guy from the dating site replied and said that he was very sorry but his mum had to go to hospital and he still really wanted to meet up with me. So that was good news. It has really cheered me up again. So we'll see what the next thing will be.

I played tennis with another friend this afternoon. And now my knees are in agony. Every time we played I burn about 500 calories. So now I always tell him that we have to play till I burn that. And it is probably because I am getting fitter but it took me longer to get to these 500 calories. At about 350 I was getting really tired but he felt like carry on and he forced me to play till we got to the 500. Glad we did now... This HRM thing is such a great thing for me to push me otherwise I would have stopped much earlier.

Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and choc whey protein
Lunch: Omelette made with 2 eggs and 3 egg whites and a gluten free roll and 3 oat cakes. Dessert: pineapple
Snack: Trek flapjack (God I love these!!Much nicer than the nakd bar...)
Dinner: Chicken breast and lentils. Dessert: Grapes
Snack: Not sure yet
Drinks: 3L water

Exercise: 1.5Hr Tennis singles

Online dating

2009-09-12T22:31:00.002+01:00

I have been on an online dating for some time now and right now I think I will stop this for a while or maybe forever. I don't know yet. Reason being is that some men I have been chatting online with often said that they really enjoy chatting to me and that we should meet upp. And when it came down to have something organised they didn't bother replying to emails or messages. And right now I have more than enough of men with no balls. Why on earth would you tell someone that it is great chatting to just to be nice. I don't get it!! So right now I am just gonna stop it for the time being and see what happens. Anyway I am going on holiday in 2 weeks time and then after that will start my triathlon training and will meet people there too. So that is why I want to take a break of it. I know a lot of people that have met their partner onlin but it obviously is not something for me ... or maybe now is not the right moment!! Time will tell... The reason why I was so down for the last few days is probably because of that. I was suppose to go on a date tomorrow and the guy in question hasn't confirmed it yet!!! So am not happy at all about it as I was really looking forward to it... I have enough of crying about it and decided enough is enough. Time to enjoy life and not to be miserable. I feel like I have been moaning and complaining a lot and that is so not like me. This holiday couldn't come at a bette time!!! I cannot wait ... the next 2 weeks are going to be the longest of my life :)

Today went running with my PT and it was great. After the run we went for a coffee and he had a sandwich. It was nice to do that. He keeps paying for this which is nice. It is nice to have a PT that takes care about the social side too!! So in the end it was a total of 2.5hr that I was away with him. 1.15hr running + walking back to the club and I have burned over 700 calories. I was very happy about that... And then in the evening I met with some friends which was very nice too and so my spirits are on the up again....

I realise too that I am emotionally drained right now and cannot cope with too many emotional stuff right now. So that is why this holiday couldn't come at a better time. So after my holiday my posts should be more positive and cheerful and full of zest :)

Thanks for reading!!

Not fun being shy.....

2009-09-12T00:02:00.004+01:00

Today was my first night out with the people of my runninclub. I started this runningclub 4-5 weeks ago....
I went out because I knew it was something I had to do. If I didn't go then I probably would regret it. I arrived there and I recognised someone from the running club, Simon and he was there with his wife. I chatted to them the whole time I was there. I am quite shy and never feel confortable to go and chat to people I don't know. I didn't recognise anybody especially as they were all dressed up. I hate it to be so shy and feel so not confident to go and just talk to peopleI don't know. I wish it didn't scare me off like that. My PT was there too and he checked on me at times to see if I was OK - which was nice!
I got home after 2 hours or so of being there and felt so down and started crying. Not too sure why - probably because I was hoping to have a good time. I probably just wanted to be like I am with my friends, bubbly, funny, talkative. They all say that I am good fun to have around. So why can I not be like that with people I don't know!!! GRRRRRR!!

I knew I had to go as otherwise I would probably feel guilty of not going. And I want to meet new people... but how am I gonna meet new people if I am so shy. Right now it doesn't make sense. Maybe I have to go more often to these gathering ... but right now I don't really want to go again.

Oh well at least I went. Thank God I meeting up with some friends tomorrow and Sunday. So that should cheer me up again.

Sorry not a positive post .... but had to get it of my chest!! Tomorrow is another day ...

Pub night + good weight loss this week!!

2009-09-11T14:03:00.002+01:00

I have lost 700gr this week. I am very happy about it. So that means I’ve lost the 400gr that I put on last week + an additional 300gr. So it is all going into the right direction. My target is now to lose another 1.5kg before my holiday. So fingers crossed for that!!

Tonight I am going to the pub with the running club. Well I should say suppose to go. I am very nervous about it as I only know 2 people out of 30 or so. And as I am quite shy it feels a bit daunting right now. But if I want to meet people I have no choice than to go. Last night I was quite emotional about it and didn’t want to go at all. But that was also after a couple of bad night sleeps. So because I was very tired I didn’t see the things clearly. Today after a better night sleep I feel more positive but still very nervous. I don’t always understand why I am like that. I could go to the pub and feel totally comfortable and can’t stop talking and laughing but if someone makes me feel uncomfortable then that is over with and will want to hide then. So I hope everything will go well. Hopefully it is all gonna go much better than how I imagine it right now.

Breakfast: Porridge oats, sunflower seeds, skimmed milk and choc whey protein
Snack: Apple
Lunch: Couscous, prawns, tomatoes and béarnaise sauce (I could have béarnaise with absolutely everything :)). Dessert: Melon
Snack: Trek Cherry Crunch flapjack (absolutely love these)
Pre-workout: Protein shake + banana and cashew nut butter
Post workout: Banana Protein shake
Dinner: Porridge (same as breakfast. I couldn't be bothered to cook and also didn't have much time as am going to the pub. Gosh I am so very nervous ... GRRRRRR!!!
Drinks: 3L water, 1 coffee latte and energy drink. Drinks at the pub – don’t know yet what these gonna be.

Exercise: Gym session with PT

Update on Runningclub

2009-09-10T08:48:00.004+01:00

Yesterday was runningclub day again. After talking to my PT about how unhappy I was with it. I was a bit apprehensive on what action, if any, would have been taken! And if he took my complaining/moaning seriously. Well I can say that I could see a big change and I felt like part of the group and the leader made sure everyone was following. So I was very pleased with that!! A lot more people were there than previous time and I am happy to say that I was not the last one. Actually there were at least 4-5 people behind me! So it kind of made me go faster I think. So the last part of the run I went along with some other girls and they ran just a bit faster than me but I was able to keep up with them. Well just about! At the end I couldn't feel my legs anymore. And then I looked at my HRM and I was shocked. I burned about 834cal. I never burned that much in one session. So although I was totally exhausted I could not stop smiling. I was such a happy bunny yesterday!! Now I will probably look forward to the running club again as opposed to last few weeks where I didn't really want to go.

But then when I got home I was so shattered that I couldn't bother preparing something to eat so just had some oat cakes and Trek flapjack and some fruit. I really struggle to eat something or preparing something after the runningclub. Often once I am back and had a shower it is often after 9pm and then I don't want to eat to much as I won't have time to digest it before going to bed. So have to find something for that. Still getting used to my new routine especially with the runningclub.

And now I am going on holiday for 2 weeks. And obviously I very very excited. I am also nervous how I will cope foodwise. As so far I did found my routine that worked for me. And will be messed up while on holiday. But I can't have that ruin my holiday. Funny how before I wouldn't worry about these things and now this is the first thing I am thinking about. With my friend who is also a runner we have decided to book hotels with fitness or pool. And I will take my skipping rope with me too!!

Breakfast: Porridge oats, sunflower seeds, skimmed milk, choc whey protein
Snack: Apple
Lunch: Chilli no rice. Dessert: Melon
Snack: 100gr yoghurt, blueberries, strawberries,ed currant and vanilla whey protein
Dinner: Porridge (same as breakfast). Dessert: Peach and Nectarine
Snack: 4 Ricecakes
Drinks: 1 Cafe atte, 3L water

Exercise: None

17 days ...

2009-09-08T20:55:00.002+01:00

17 days to my holiday ... when thinking about it I can't stop smiling! I haven't been on a holiday like that for such a long time. It is going to be a big adventure. And I so cannot wait!! So the countdown has officially begun now :)

I saw my PT today and it was a very good session. We went for a run and I burned over 600 calories in one hour. I was very happy about it because lately we only got to 500 so good improvement there. On Friday all those from the runningclub are going to the pub in Windsor. And my PT asked me if I was going to come too. At first I thought well I don't really know a lot of people there and as I am quite shy when I don't know people ... I wasn't too sure about it. But because he kind of insisted for me to go I might as well go. I am not gonna find my boyfriend by staying home either!!! So now have decided that I will go!! Wish me luck :)

Today decided to cut out my cafe latte that I so love. But want to find out whether I drink out of habit and can I miss it. Today I didn't have it and I am fine. I only have one coffee latte a day so not too sure whether it makes such a big difference to have it or not. But I know that coffee makes your retain water. So hopefully I can keep it up till my holiday.

Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and choc whey protein
Snack: Apple
Lunch: Couscous with mixed pulses, cucumber, feta cheese. Dessert: Mango
Snack: 100gr yoghurt with blueberries, strawberries and red currant and vanilla whey protein
Pre Workout: Protein shake and Banana with cashew nut butter
Post Workout: Protein shake
Dinner: Omelette made with 2 eggs and 2 egg whites with smoked salmon. Dessert: Peach and Nectarine
Snack: 3 oat cakes
Drinks: 3L water & Energy drink

Exercise; Run with PT

2009-09-06T19:02:00.002+01:00

I am happy that I feel like my old self again. I feel my head is clear again and I can deal now with everything that life will throw at me. Unlike last week every little thing made me cry and get irritated. Yes I know that what PMT does to you but gosh I just would like to be guy just for then... :)

Anyway this morning played tennis with a friend. It was good fun. But am such a slow starter especially when we start to play in the morning ... well morning it was 11 but still couldn't get going. I am like a diesel that needs time to warm and once there then it is great. It is the same when I go running. But after that 30 min I played really well and it was such good fun and burned about 500cal so quite pleased with it all! But after that I felt like my legs were gonna fall off. I might have done a bit too much this week. Not too sure really. But I have done something of Cardio every single day. I feel really so good about doing that.

On Saturday I was running with my PT and I was telling him that when I go to the runningclub I don't finish the run - this is what happened last week. Then I feel like I failed. And he told me that I shouldn't think like that. Even only half a run is better than nothing. And I know he is right but my brain doesn't function like that at the moment. And I found it hard to be happy when I don't finish something off completely. I know I am too harsch on myself but for me it is hard not to be...

And then this afternoon I have done some washing, ironing (that I was suppose to do for the last weeks) and then made some delicious spinach soup and also a chilli. So now I have no excuse to eat bread at lunch. As this my tummy does not like bread at all!! I am so happy that I cut that out of my diet. Some of my friends told me that I was too extreme with it but now I see how unhappy my tummy is with this. So now I know for a fact that I have made the right decision.

And another good news ... I will go on a date hopefully this week!! Looking forward to it. I've been chatting to this guy online and it was a lot of fun. Will keep you posted ....

Breakfast: Porridge oats, sunflower seeds, skimmed milk and choc whey protein
Snack: Apple
Lunch: Oat cakes with philly light. Dessert: Cherries
Snack: Flapjack cherry
Dinner: Lentils and sausage. Dessert: Grapes
Snack: not too sure
Drinks: 4L water, 1/2 glass of wine (the rest I have used in my chilli :))

Exercise: 1.20hr Tennis singles

Normal service has resumed ... :)

2009-09-05T16:54:00.003+01:00

I start to be myself again after a week where my emotions got the better of me. And it didn't feel like it was me but someone else.

I am very grateful for the people on WLR who have given me great advise and support. And even one person give me a good kick in backside ... and that was exactly what I needed. Now my hormones are back were they are suppose to be and hopefully will stay there for a while!! So today I feel so much more positive and happy with myself. I can definitely see some changes in my bodyshape and some more definition. And that feels so great. All the efforts are worth in the end. Especially as last week I was about to give up on all my PT training, runningclub, triathlon. Now I am more motivated to carry on and start my training for a triathlon.

Yesterday I did talk to my PT about the runningclub as he is running it. I told him about my struggles and unhappiness about it and that things have to change. And we tried to see how we could change it. And I was very happy that he is a very open in changing things when they are not working. I was going to talk about it with him as for the last 6 months or so I have been complaining not so much about him or his sessions but more about my health as I have been struggling, my social life that wasn't like I want it to be and my work which I don't like too much. So didn't want to now moan about the runningclub. But as he was the one bringing it up I didn't feel so bad anymore. And now I feel so relieved that I got it off my chest. Because I can moan about it to everyone but if I don't tell the person who can change it then nothing will happen. So yes glad this week is over and now I can just chill and relax and admire my new found body ... HAHAHAHA Still a long way to go but so happy with results so far... I almost start to feel skinnier...

I will post my food on here a bit later. I don't know yet what I will have later on....

2009-09-03T15:30:00.002+01:00

I so desperate need to get away. Every year it is the same story. I get totally fed up with everything at this time of the year. Probably because the summer is coming to an end and maybe because I haven't been aways for 3 months. I never tend to go away then as I found it too expensive. So now I am so totally fed up with everything and I am so emotional. It is unbelievable!! My next holiday is in 4 weeks. And I hear you saying that it is going to be here in no time.And deep down I probably know that but right now it is no consolation.

Last night went to the running club and didn't enjoy it as the weather was torrential. After just a few minutes I was totally soaked. And since I am struggling at the back end of the group I got so fed up, frustrated,.... that I decided to go back. My running partner totally agreed and both of us went back. I was so furious that there was no leader in sight of anyone for that matter. And I thought it was totally out of order. But my running partner didn't make much of it. And then after getting some comments and advice from people on WLR I realised that my emotions were getting the better of me!!

Because I am very much a black or white type of girl.... I wanted to stop the running club, my personal trainer, any attempt to train for a triatlon,... but talking to a friend I realised that this was very silly. And that I have to carry on as I feel so much better for it. And if I didn't do the exercise part I would really go down the depressed route and that obviously I don't want!!

My diet is all over the place right now and I can't even be bothered with it! I gave up bread 3 months ago and I was fine and didn't miss it!! Well since 2-3 days I've had sandwiches with egg mayo and felt incredibly bloated and didn't even enjoy it!! I won't put my food down as my fruit/veg count is shocking!!
My weight has stayed the same so that is still good. Right now it is a bit of a struggle and feel sorry for myself!! I know a bit silly but can't help it....
Hopefully this feeling will go soon as I don't really like it!!

But on a positive note I found the joy of skipping! And I absolutely love it and feel like a little girl again :) So as long as I keep exercising I am sure my weight will remain the same and maybe even lose a bit!! Right now I have to get my head in the right frame of mind. Any suggestions....

Hopefully my next post will be full of positive vibes... ;)

Consequence of bad boyfriend.....!!!!

2009-08-31T15:24:00.004+01:00

Today was one of my struggle days because of the consequence of a bad boyfriend!!! I went out with him anout 2 years ago and he was someone who didn't always returned my calls or messages. And now I see how bad he was in communication. As one day he decided to stop talking to me and upto now I still don't know why. I took me a long time to get over that .. about a year or so! Especially as there was no closure to it and I found it very hard. So now when someone doesn't return my calls or my text I get into this angry state and no way I can snap out of it!! The thing I know that everyone has a busy life and it is not always possible to reply straight away. But that is not always enough for me to calm down and be realistic about the situation. And when I get angry I start to be very emotional and start crying. The weird thing about all this is that I am a laid back chilled out person. But when something like that happens then I get really angry. And I hate it so so much. I have been talking to my counsellor about it and I thought dealt with it but obviously it takes time. And I know I am much better now but I am so angry at myself to for not being more relaxed about it. And see why this person hasn't called you back.Because there might be a very good reason why he/she hasn't. But it is so hard for me to deal with it.

Anyway my PT session was cancelled today so decided to go for a run. And it did me loads of good. I did a very hot and sweaty 7.5K. But my God it was so hot. I couldn't believe it!! I thought I was really slow but once I finished I did the same time as when I ran it another day. So I was so happy with myself. And all my anger and frustrations were gone and felt again chilled out! Thank God for that!!

Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and choc whey protein
Snack: None
Lunch: Omelette made with 2 eggs and 2 egg whites. Gluten free pitta. Dessert: Pomegranate
Snack: Protein shake and apple
Dinner: Tiger prawns with sweet chilli sauce (no veggies ... shocking!!!) But it was so very nice. Dessert: pineapple, apple and lychees
Snack:
Drinks: 4L water & energy drink

Exercise: 7.5K run

Lost again :)

2009-08-28T10:04:00.004+01:00

After gaining a kilo last week I lost that kilo and an extra 400gr. So I am quite happy with that. So all the efforts are paying off... and I might have lost more if I would have a better night sleep but hey as long as it is going downward I'm happy...

For the last few days I have felt so emotional and so out of character for me. And I have felt quite sick every time I eat. Due to the infection I had at my boobs I had to take antibiotics and the doctor told me to carry on taking the pill which means I haven't had any periods last month. And I am due next week. And I am sure that is the reason but it is driving me nuts as normally I don't feel like that. I might be just a bit sensitive but not crying like that all the time!! I always thought I don't suffer from this PMT ... maybe not as bad as some but surely I am still a woman!! :)
OK well now that I know that I might be a bit nicer to myself as the last few days I was beating myself up for being so sensitive and get a grip!!

OK tonight I see my PT again. And so cannot be asked to exercise, to see him, to make any effort. I just want to go home and collapse on the sofa and watch TV. Especially as I haven't slept much the last few days and just want to sleep and wake up refreshed and happy!! Don't we all... :)
PMT ... moi??? :)

My food has been all over the place so will just forget about it today. And start again tomorrow. Hopefully my sugar cravings will have gone aswell!! Looking forward to the long bankholiday w-e!! Good timing I would say :)

More positive today...

2009-08-27T19:16:00.003+01:00

Today I feel more positive. And I have to thank all the lovely people on WLR for that. A while ago I was gonna stop my subscription as I am not counting calories anymore. But now I realise how important all these people on the boards are. And there is always someone who has gone the same thing as you. It is great that you share experiences . So now I have uncancelled my subscripion :) It feels like I made some new friends and it feels so good.

Now I realise that nutrition is very important where you are working out hard. And I believe that is what is missing right now. I never paid much attention to the nutrition part. So now I have to make more of an effort in eating the right things before a workout. Without everyone on WLR I would never have thought that nutrition was so important. Thank you all so very much!!

I was going to skip tonight but am absolutely shattered. I hardly slep last night so decided to give it a miss. A rest day is probably gonna do me some good. And I will go to bed early as I have some catching up to do. I think I slept in total about 3 hours or so. So today at work I really struggled to keep my eyes open. It felt like the longest day in my life!!

Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and chocolate whey protein
Snack: White chocolate organic
Lunch: Bolognaise sauce (no pasta). Dessert: apple and grapes
Snack: 100gr yoghurt, blueberries, strawberries, redcurrant and 15gr vanilla whey protein
Dinner: Omelette made with 2 eggs and 3 egg whites. Dessert: Cherries
Drinks: Cafe latte, 3L water

Exercise: none

Frustrated with running club

2009-08-26T20:49:00.002+01:00

I thought I was doing well with my running and my fitness. But so do not feel like it now. Today I went to the runningclub and since 3 weeks I am in the intermediate group. And keep struggling to keep up with them. The good thing is that I have found a running buddy who runs at more or less the same speed as I do. But it is so incredibly frustrating that I can't keep up with them. I have been running for a year or so and stil can't run any faster. It is soooo frustrating. I just feel like crying now. Thank God my running buddy kept being positive and telling me I was doing well otherwise I would have given up and gone home. So annoyed and demotivated right now. I just want to cancel all my session with my PT right now. Just because I think there is no point !! I thought I was getting quite fit with all the exercise I've been doing but I can tell you that right now it doesn't feel like that at all! I don't feel fat anymore but just what is the point of all this exercise if I can't even keep with the running club!! Ok will stop my moan here ... and just go to bed! :-(

Sorry for the moan. Hopefully will feel better tomorrow. But right now I just want to give up ...

Manic day today!!

2009-08-25T20:11:00.002+01:00

Today was a manic day at work. It was so busy and everything that could have gone wrong went wrong. And then to top it all off my Outlook decided to call it a day as I couldn't open any emails anymore. So tomorrow will have to go to IT to have it sorted. I have this before and IT told me that my Outlook might have been corrupted or infected!! Not good!!
But even with all the stress I had today I manage not to resort to food especially chocolate as I would have done in the past. Very proud of myself! I really feel like now I have turned a corner and can manage the stresses in life without going to chocolates. Although I am sure that some days I might still do it. But every time I don't I feel like I have achieved a big step in the right direction!! So all this clean eating (not 100% clean but definitely so much cleaner than a few months ago! So for me right now it is clean enough :)) is paying off and also cutting out pasta, bread, potato and rice is one of the best things I've ever done. I have to say when I am really tired and lazy I just want to eat pasta with pesto but apart from these moments I don't crave it anymore. Another very positive thing for me! Some people might say that you shouldn't cut out stuff of your diet. I totally agree with that but what works for me doesn't necessarily works for someone else. I am very much an all or nothing kind of person ... maybe something to do with the fact I am a gemini :)

Today my PT was back from holiday and we had a very good session... in the gym. I so hate the gym but I know it is good for me. That is probably the reason why I need a PT as I wouldn't be able to motivate me to do weights and stuff. And right now for me it is a good investment as it will make me feel better and look like a princess ... HA!

Breakfast: Porridge oats, sunflower seeds, skimmed milk and chocolate whey protein
Snack: Apple
Lunch: Peaches with tuna, egg mayonaise. (This is a dish our family used to have during summer) Dessert: 2 Nectarines
Snack: 100gr yoghurt, redcurrants, strawberries, blueberries and vanilla whey protein
Dinner: Same as breakfast - couldn't be bothered with cooking anything. My arms feel like jelly after my workout. I have to start to be more organised and cook something over the w-e and freeze it! Dessert: Grapes
Drinks: Cafe latte, 3L water and energy drink

Exercise: Gym session with PT

Improvements

2009-08-22T14:19:00.004+01:00

Today was my last session with my replacement PT Angela and it was a very though session. My foot was hurting as my laces were not tight enough yesterday so it was a bit sore, I am having a cold and feel absolutely awful so unnecessary to say that the last thing I want to do is going out for a run and having someone pushing you!! But anyway I am not one to just cancel a session with no good reason. So I went totally not motivated but it was a very good session. She told me that she could really see some improvement since last week and that I was doing really well and that now I should do some sprints to increase my speed as I am quite good in long distance running. So that was very pleasing to hear! I feel so much better and don't feel so fat or overweight anymore. I can really see that my shape is changing. So I feel good and my motivation is very high right now! Long may it continue :)

Yesterday was weigh day and I put on 1 kg but the fat number on my scale went down from 35.5 to 34.7. So I wasn't too downhearted about it. I think what also helped is that my focus has changed for wanting to exercise to lose weight now it is exercising to do a triathlon next year. And can really feel a shift in my head and in the way I cope with my weight. And I feel so free from any burden of having to lose every week. Right now my fitness is my main focus and it is good. Now I realise that just focussing on weightloss wasn't good for me and often made me feel down and depressed. So this is the new me!!

Now with all this exercising I struggle to eat something afterwards. I am often home at 9pm and then can't be bothered to cook anything no even an omelette. So this week I often had porridge twice a day (breakfast and dinner). I am not too sure whether it is good. Have to find something for when I come back or maybe cook something over the w-e and freeze it. But I am not the most organised person in the world so that will need some get used too!!

Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and choc whey protein
Pre workout: 1/2 banana
Post workout: Banana protein shake
Lunch: Cheesey omelette with 1 egg and 2 egg whites. Dessert: Cherries
Snack: watermelon and too many cashwe nuts (have to stop buying these!!)
Dinner: King prawns and a fresh tomato salad. Dessert: Melon and red currant
Drinks: 3L water, Energy drink

Exercise: Run with Angela PT

Skipping!

2009-08-21T10:37:00.003+01:00

On WLR someone mentioned that she started skipping again. And I remember that I used to love it when I was a little girl. So last night deicded to give a go. I wasn't expecting anything from it as I haven't done for a very long time. Anyways I started and to my surprise I was able to do 150 skips in one go. So did that for 22 minutes with a 30 sec break after every 150 skips and it burned me about 200 calories. I was very pleased with myself. And will probably do it again. Now I realise how much my finess has improved. When I finished my skipping session I did 3x planks for about 45sec. So all in all a good workout for me.

After that I went to meet up with friends to the pub. And now when I go out I always look out for the healthy stuff as opposed to the hevay creamy, fatty stuff. So it looks like the shift in my haed has taken place. I hope it will stay like that for a long time. Feels good! :) So now I don't feel too bad going out as I can control what goes in my mouth...

This evening I see Angela for another run. Looking forward ot it although I am very tired and can't wait to just be home afterwards in my PJs and chilling out! :)

Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and chocolate whey protein
Snack: 3 Oat cakes
Lunch: Mixed salad from the salad bar at work. Dessert: Cantaloupe melon
Snack: 60gr yoghurt, blueberries, red currants and 10gr. vanilla whey protein
Pre workout: Banana
Post workout: Banana protein shake
Dinner: Porridge (same as breakfast. Can't feel my legs and arms anymore after my workout so no energy to cook anything. Have to get more organised for this). Dessert: Grapes
Snack: Depends if I feel like having one.
Drinks: Cafe latte, 4L water, Energy drink

Exercise: Run with Angela PT

Running Club

2009-08-19T20:33:00.003+01:00

Today is running club day again. And I so love it although I always run at the end of the group. I can feel I am improving and the main thing is that I enjoy it. And I meet people which is for me very important right now. In the intermediate group there are more men than women so that is always good to push you and who know what might happen. Maybe prince charming is hidden in the pack :)
I realise that I am slow starter and once I get going then my pace really picks up ... a bit like a diesel :) So now I have to work on speeding up at the beginning. Not too sure how to do that. But I feel good right now with all the exercising I am doing and feel so much more better about myself and feel more confident. Right now life is good!! Let enjoy the moment :)

Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and choc whey protein
Snack: Apple
Lunch: Salad from the canteen salad bar. Dessert: Mango
Snack: 100gr yoghurt, blueberries, strawberries, redcurrants and vanilla whey protein
Pre-workout: banana and 2 slices of Dr Karg cheese and olive
Post workout: Banana protein shake
Dinner: Porridge like breakfast (too tired to cook now)
Drinks: 1 Cafe latte, 4L water and energy drink

Exercise: Runningclub 5 miles

2009-08-18T20:15:00.002+01:00

Today I had my first session with Angela, the replacement for my trainer who is on holiday. And I really enjoyed it. I normally prefer male trainers! And no offence to any of the female trainers. But I don't like when people tell me what to do so if someone has to tell me what to do then I'd rather it be a man. Sometimes I think it is a silly reason but can't help it as this is how I feel. Especially as I've never had a female trainer. So hopefully I haven't offended any female trainer here as it was definitely not my intention...
But I was pleasantly surprised. We went running and then in the middle stopped to do some press ups, planks,... It was very different than what I usually do but really good. I really enjoyed it. And I burned more calories too so very good all round! I think it is good to change trainers every so often. Although I quite like my male trainer as there is a lot more banter and teasing going on :)

Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and 1 scoop chocolate whey protein
Snack: Apple
Lunch: Bolognaise sauce. Dessert: Mango
Snack: 100gr natural yoghurt, blueberries, strawberries, other berries (can't remember the name!!) and 1 scoop vanille whey protein
Pre workout: Banana
Post workout: Banana protein shake
Dinner: Omelette made with 2 eggs and 2 egg whites. Dessert: Passion fruit
Drinks: Cafe latte, 3L water, Energy drink

Exercise: Run with Angela PT

Lovely day today...

2009-08-16T20:00:00.002+01:00

I had a lovely day today. This morning went for a 7.5K run in 55 min. I was quite pleased with myself. I wasn't quite sure what to do as I know I will do a lot of running this week. As my PT is on holiday and a girl is going to cover for him and we will go running a lot. But as I absolutely love running I don't mind it!! That is why I thought of doing something else today but couldn't think of anything that I wanted so went for my run and it was great!!

Then after lunch I met up with a friend and we chatted in the garden for most of it. It was so much fun to catch up on everything. And then we went to Nando's for a meal (totally not expected) and now I am back home and feeling good. I had a great w-e. It is a great feeling especially as the last few weeks have been quite difficult and though on me. So glad I have my happy face on again...

Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and 1 scoop chocolate whey
Snack: Nectarine
Lunch: Egg omelette (made with 2 eggs and 2 egg whites) with cheese. Dessert: Cherries
Snack: Melon and Nakd bar Banana bread
Dinner: Nandos's: 1/4 chicken, mixed salad and chips with mayonnaise. Dessert: Nectarine and apricot
Drinks: Diet coke, 3L water, energy drink

Exercise: 7.5K run

Coffee with PT!!

2009-08-15T15:00:00.004+01:00

Today my PT and I went for a pre-arranged coffee. First we ran around Windsor for 40 min or so and then we had a coffee. It was the first time we did something like that. And it was really good fun to do! We might do that again when I am his last client. It was actually good as we had time to talk about my progres. And I told him that I have been thinking about how to stay fit after I finish with all these sessions. As I am not gonna do for the rest of my life. And then he suggested for me to join his triatlon club. To be honest he already mentioned it quite a few times but I thought he was joking. And actually he was serious all along. So we talked about it in depth and I am really tempted to do it. As with that there is also a big social side to it too. Apparantly most of them are single (just like me!!) and they meet up on monthly basis for a BBQ or some other gathering. And that is just what I need right now. I want to meet more people and make more friends. So this might be the perfect thing for me. I am not someone who does something on her own. I need people around to spur me on and also as I don't like being on my own. And this could be ideal ... doing something fitness related (which I love right now) and meeting people. So when my PT is back from holiday(in a weeks time) I will probably start doing it. He has a bike that I could borrow and see if I like it and then we will see it from there. I am really excited about it right now!! Never thought I would do something like that. I would like to do a race one day. Maybe this is just the turnaround in my life that I need... :)

I feel like a lot has changed for me. First I started to clean up my diet, and having more protein and whey protein (which have helped so much in my diet!!), my fitness has improved in such a big way and now my social life could change for the better. All good!! I am so glad I stuck with this PT as he could introduce me to all this new things in life. And I know I wouldn't have done it on my own!!

Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and 1 scoop chocolate whey protein
Pre-workout: Banana
Post workout: Vanilla protein shake
Lunch: Not too sure as I am not digesting my cafe latte I had. Just had some nuts and feels like this is going to be it till my snack or dinner.
Snack: Cherries
Dinner: Chicken kebab and spinack falafel. Dessert: and more cherries :)
Snack: 20gr nuts
Drinks: 1/2 coffee latte, 3L water, energy drink

Exercise: PT run

So bloated!

2009-08-14T11:18:00.005+01:00

Yesterday had some friends over and we had pizza and other nibbly things. But "My Word" this morning I am in such a pain and feel so extremely bloated and also now a headache. I stopped eating wheat for the past 2 months or so. So now I probably realise that I shouldn't have these things too often or ever. As now it is such an unconfortable feeling. I always believed that the best diet is the one where you don't feel deprived and where you can eat what you want in moderation, of course! But now I am very tempted of not having pizza ever as this is not much fun. Now I see what this stuff does to you. And I can't wait to feel this bloatiness gone and back to feeling good!! And the pizza wasn't even that nice. What a waste ... Uptill now I never realised how bad this stuff is for you. Good lesson learned. But on a positive note I really enjoyed my evening out with my friends!

Anyway this morning back to my clean eating health plan :) And this evening I am going to see my PT and hopefully will go out for a run. I can't wait for that!! So I can talk to him about the runningclub too.

Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and 1 scoop chocolate whey protein
Snack: Apple
Lunch: Mixed salad from the canteen salad bar. Dessert: fruit salad
Snack: 100gr yoghurt, strawberries, blueberrries, kiwi and 1/2 scoop banana whey protein
Post workout: Banana whey protein shake
Dinner: Egg omelette with 2 eggs and 2 egg whites, smoked salmon and a gluten free pitta. Dessert: Lychees
Snack: 20gr nuts
Drinks: 3L water, Energy drink, 1 Cafe latte

Exercise: PT gym session

Running club yesterday

2009-08-13T11:54:00.002+01:00

Yesterday I went to the runningclub. And for the first time ever I went from the beginner to the intermediate group. I was a bit nervous though. But a running buddy who was in the beginner group with me joined me in the intermediate group. So I was quite relieved. It is abig jump as most of these intermediate runners go much faster than I do. But at least now I know what to aim for. In the beginners group I always finished first so that was no good for my improvements. Anyways was good fun with my new found running buddy. But I was a bit disappointed that the leader was always at the front of the group, so miles ahead of us. The good thing was that I knew the route otherwise we would have gone lost. I will have to speak to those who organise the runningclub as it is not very nice I think. And what will happen when I don't know the route. I just get lost... My PT is organising this so will speak to him. He couldn't make it yesterday so hopefully next time things will be different...

On a more positive note - I have lost 500gr WOOHOO!!! And I am really happy. I am still on target to lose another 4.5kg before my holiday end of September. So I am on high today. And I have half day off today so I can spend a day with my friend Bea visiting me. She is leaving again tomorrow. So will be nice to chat and chat and chat .... :)

Breakfast: Porridge oats, sunflower seeds, skimmed milk and 1 scoop chocolate whey protein
Snack: fruit salad
Lunch: Roasted vegetables
Snack: Yoghurt, strawberries, blueberries and 1/2 scoop vanilla whey protein
Dinner: Pizza, crisps, dips,... My friend is inviting friends over for her last night. Hopefully I won't feel too bloated in the morning.
Drinks: 3L water, Cafe latte

Exercise: None

Lovely comment today :)

2009-08-11T19:37:00.003+01:00

I had a lovely comment today on WLR. Someone said that she loves my blog. It really made me smile and felt good about this blog.

Ok my infection to my boob has almost completely gone now. I feel so relieved as I was a bit worried about it. And now that I don't use my HRM till the infection has gone totally I feel a bit naked when I am out there exercising. Amazing how you get used to these things. I am glad my PT tells me if I am doing well. As he is honest he will also tell me if I am not doing great... I like honest people. I am someone who wears her heart on her sleeve and not like to beat round the bush. Just tell me how it is at least I know where I stand :)

Just been for a run today with my PT. My God it is was so hot. It was such a big struggle. Now I can honestly say that I'd rather run in the rain or in the cold than in a hot 27 degrees. I felt my legs were loaded with lead and that I couldn't move them. Anyway now after some food and a shower I feel quite good about myself now. Tomorrow is running club and the forecast is rain so I am all smiles right now!! Never thought I would say that I prefer running in the rain...

Breakfast: Porridge oats, 1 scoop chocolate whey, sunflower seeds and skimmed milk
Snack: 1/2 melon
Lunch: Mixed salad with dressing from the canteen. Dessert: Fruit salad
Snack: 100 gr yoghurt, strawberries, blueberries and 1/2 scoop vanilla whey
Post workout: Banana whey protein shake
Dinner: Cheese Omelette (made with 2 eggs and 2 egg whites), gluten free pita bread. Dessert: Grapes
Snack: 20gr nuts
Drinks: 4L water, Energy drink, Cafe latte

Exercise: Very hot run with PT

2009-08-08T17:56:00.004+01:00

I have a bit of a problem due to my HRM. It has rubbed against my boob and now I got a horrible infection. I've noticed the first time a few weeks ago but thought it was just a bit red and didn't think much of it. But the last few times I have used my HRM my boob was really very sore at the night and when I had a shower it was so extremely painful. The tears were just rolling down my cheeks. So went to the doctor and she was quite shocked a how much it was infected. So now I am on antibiotics and a cream too. And now I can already see the difference and feel so much better but today haven't used my HRM. And because I've used for every time I exercised I felt really naked and it annoyed me that I didn't really know how many calories I burned. But then again I don't want to use my HRM till it is totally healed. If anyone has any suggestions on how not to have it again ...!

Yesterday was my big first meal eat since I started to clean up my diet. I had moules-frites. It was lovely. I really enjoyed it. But have been feeling quite bloated this morning. Now that I am back from my run I feel so much better and the bloating feeling has gone. Although I really enjoyed my meal it made me also realise that I don't really miss chips and if I can have every so often then I am happy!

Today went for a run with my PT and also another girl who will take over when my PT goes on holiday. He is just going for a week but it is good that I will keep running/exercising. It was so much fun. Now I can really feel my legs and knees really hurting. I have pushed myself today and feel so good now. I so love running now. It is like an addiction for me! I can't live without it anymore...

Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and chocolate whey protein
Post workout: Banana whey protein shake
Lunch: 200gr yoghurt, strawberries, blueberries and vanilla whey protein. Dessert: Cherries
Snack: Oat cakes and an apple
Dinner: Chicken breast, chicory, mayonnaise and cherry tomatoes with Balsamic vinegar.
Snack: 25gr mixed nuts
Drinks: 3L water and energy drink

Exercise: Run with PT

Running in the rain!!

2009-08-06T20:04:00.002+01:00

Yesterday I didn't go to the runningclub as I sneezed my head off. And the cold was well on its way and I could hardly breathe let alone run 10 miles. So decided to stay and go to bed early. I was so gutted as I am always so looking forward to the runningclub. But then today I realised I did the right thing and rest. Yesterday I went to bed at 9pm and slept till 8am. So my body probably needed it. And so after all this rest I felt so much better.

Went for a run with my PT in the rain. And I really enjoyed it. Never thought I would say that. And I don't think I've ever ran in the rain. But now that I love running so much I don't care whether it rains or not. And since last week my sessions with my PT were always in the gym and it really got on my nerves as I so dislike the gym. But I know it is good for my weightloss and fitness.

Tomorrow is weigh in day. I hope I will be below 85kg. Fingers crossed!

Breakfast: Porridge oats, sunflower seeds, chocolate whey protein and skimmed milk
Snack: Apple
Lunch: Mixed salad from the canteen. Dessert: fruit salad
Snack: 100 gr natural yoghurt, blueberries, strawberries and vanilla whey protein (10gr)
Dinner: Egg omelette (2 eggs and 3 egg whites), smoked salmon. Dessert: Berries
Drinks: Energy drink, 4L water, Cafe latte

Exercise: Wet run with PT

Feeling so much better...

2009-08-04T21:07:00.002+01:00

Today am feeling so much better. It was a big change of shift in my head and my mood after my session with my counselor yesterday. I feel a big weight is off my shoulder and now I can enjoy life again. My very good friend Bea is coming on Friday and cannot wait to see her again. It is going to be so much fun having her here again and also to catch up on all the gossip.

Tomorrow is running club again and can't wait for it. I so love this. And tomorrow I will be running in the intermediate group. Sofar I have been running with the beginners. Am a bit nervous as I am not sure if I will be ready to go one group up. But I will have to wait and see ... My trainer told me I would be fine and he knows how I run... Now I don't even mind if it rains...

Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and chocolate whey protein
Snack: Carrots
Lunch: Couscous, salmon, tomatoes, cucumber. Dessert: Mango
Snack: 100gr plain yogurt, strawberries, blueberries and 10gr vanilla whey protein
Post workout: Banana whey protein shake with 150ml water
Dinner: Cheese Omelette with 2 eggs and 2 egg white (Yummy!!!) Dessert: Lychees ... gosh I love these
Drinks: 3L water, 2 coffees latte, energy drink

Exercise: Gym session PT

Counsellor session today....

2009-08-03T20:05:00.002+01:00

Today went to see my counsellor and it was quite a heavy session. I have been down lately and it was good to talk to her and realise where my issues lies and work on them. In this session it came out that I felt lonely as a lot of friends have moved away from the UK, some I didn't want to see anymore as they were draining me,... So in a way it is hard to hear that but on the other hand it is good as now that I know I can react on it and do something about it. So now I am on a mission to make new friends and what to take every opportunity to me to do so. I started 2 weeks ago with the runningclub and I love it. Everyone is so nice and friendly. And this is also a good way to meet new people ... and then in environment that I like which is running and getting fit. I don't want every time I meet new people there is food and drink involved. So yes right now I feel drained as this session with my counsellor took a lot out of me. But I am sure that after a good night sleep I will feel all ready to go again. I feel quite relieved right now and feel so much lighter in my head and my heart right now. And that feels good :)

Breakfast: Porridge oats, sunflower seeds, skimmed milk and chocolate whey protein
Snack: Pineapple
Lunch: Mixed salad (canteen). Dessert: fruit salad
Snack: 100gr. LF yogurt with blueberries, strawberries and vanilla whey protein
Dinner: Egg omelette (made with 2 eggs and 2 egg whites) and smoked salmon. Dessert: Cherries
Snack: 20gr. nuts
Drinks: 4L water& 1 Cafe latte

Exercise: none

Back on track....

2009-08-02T18:53:00.008+01:00

Yesterday had a total blowout day!!! I ate everything in sight crisps, M&Ms, white chocolate, nuts.... and so on and on. I felt so sick afterwards. But glad is done and that day is over. Today was a much better day. Maybe I just needed a day like that. I've been so very good for 7 weeks or so. But I don't want to have a whole blow out day. It actually all started when I had a ready made fish pie. So now I know I shouldn't buy these things anymore. That was the only meal I still had in my freezer. So now I only have healthy stuff in my fridge-freezer.

Today I went to a Jazz concert in London with a friend and it was such a chilled out day. The weather was absolutely lovely. I really enjoyed it so much. My day started well as I ran a 7.5K and really enjoyed it. And foodwise it was good too. With this friend we had lunch and I had a warm chcken and bacon salad. I was quite pleased with my choice as it was the only healthy option on the menu. I was glad I didn't go for chips which is what I would have gone in the past. So something has clicked in my head....

Yesterday I was thinking how easy it was to just go back to old habits and stuff your face with sugary foods. But I am also very happy that my head clicked again the next day into a healthy clean diet mode.

Breakfast: Porridge oats, sunflower seeds, skimmed milk and chocolate whey protein
Snack: 100gr yogurt, strawberries, blueberries, brazil nuts and vanilla whey protein
Lunch: Warm chicken and bacon salad.
Snack: Nakd bar
Dinner: Bolognaise sauce without pasta. Dessert: Pineapple
Snack: 20gr nuts
Drinks: 3L water, energy drink and small glass rose wine

Exercise: 7.5K run

Back again ...

2009-07-31T09:24:00.003+01:00

I haven't updated my blog lately as wasn't in the right frame of mind. But have decided to come back and blog again. I feel slightly better and hopefully it will all go uphill from here.

My diet is still going well. I have lost 500gr this week. Happy with that as long as it is going down. Still on target to lose another 5kg by the end of september for my holiday. So that's good!

This week was the 2nd time I went to the runningclub and I love it!! It is also great to meet new people - as this was one of the reason why I was not feeling great lately. And I realise that my running is going really well as I will go from beginner to intermediate next week. The only thing is that I hurt my hamstring a bit and can't really sprint/run for the remaining of the week. I hope by next week everything will be fine. As I absolutely love running and now that I am set in my routine I don't want to stop it right now.

Lately I have been thinking about what to do in the long run. As I don't want to lose weight and then put it back on again because I lost my motivation or other emotional reasons. I realise I need to do something in a group as that will motivate me to go out. So I think triathlon might be just the right thing for me as it is always in a group that you will train and that should motivate me! I don't want to go always to a PT to get me fit and make me lose weight. So any suggestions are welcome...

Breakfast: Porridge oats, choc whey protein, sunflower seeds and skimmed milk
Snack: White chocolate (big oops!!)
Lunch: Mixed salad from work canteen. Desert: Mango
Snack: Fat free yogurt + blueberries + strawberries + kiwi + vanilla whey protein
Dinner: Fish (not too sure which one yet) + vegetables.
Snack: Oatcakes
Drinks: Cafe latte + 4L water + Energy drink

Exercise: Gym session PT

Moan, moan, moan.... sorry!!

2009-07-24T12:42:00.004+01:00

Today I am not my usual happy self. I feel like I'm doing the same things over and over again. I see my trainer a few times a week, go to the running club, play tennis, foodshopping,.... It is the same things all the time. Not get me wrong I enjoy all the exercises I do but I feel like I want soemthing exciting in my life. I don't have a boyfriend so that also my be a reason. But I know that I don't want to focus on that too much as it will happen when it will. And probably when I don't expect it.
Mu closest friend are not in this country. And I really miss them. I would be so nice to have them around and could just pop in for a chat or so. But no if I want to see them I have to book a flight and have everything organised. I can't do anythign spontaneous. And I like being sponteanous. It takes me 11 hours drive to get there... Oh god I sound so negative. I should be focussed on the fact that I have these wonderful friends in my life. And I am very happy to have them but I suppose I jsut miss them!!!

This week I only lost 100gr. OK it is not a lot but I'd rather lose 100gr and put it on. As long as the trend is goind downwards I am happy. And I can feel that my fitness is improving in a big way!! So that is very important for me too. So now I got all these moaning of my chest I hope I will feel better for the rest of the day. I hate this feeling. In the end I know my life is not that bad. I suppose I just want something exciting happening and it is not really the case. But then again I don't really know what that could be.

Today is not happy friday!! But I see my PT tonight so I hopefully will get all these bad vibes out of my system and be happy and cheery again!!!

Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and chocolate whey protein
Snack: Cafe latte
Lunch: mixed salad from work salad bar. Dessert: Melon
Snack: 0% fat free yogurt with grapes, blueberries and raspberries
Dinner: Omelette with 2 eggs and 2 egg whites with a wheat and gluten free pitta. Dessert: Cherries
Snack: 25gr nuts
Drinks: 4L water / Energy drink

Exercise: gym with PT

Rest day...

2009-07-23T12:35:00.002+01:00

Today is rest day! I have had 2 long runs the last 2 days and last night I could hardly sleep as my legs were killing me. I was on such a high after my runningclub yesterday that I couldn't wind down before midnight or so and even when I was in bed I struggled. But I am very happy of all the efforts I have put in. This morning not much change on the scales but tomorrow is my weigh day. So fingers crossed that I have lost a bit more than just 300gr. But then on the other hand I am so pleased with the improvement of my fitness.

Usually I run on my own or with my PT. And with either I can never really judge how far I've come. So yesterday with the running club I could really see that I was one of the fastest in the group. The last 15 minutes or so I was leading as the leader stayed at the back of the group with the slower ones and she told me where to go and stuff. I felt good about that! :) And when we finished everybody told me that I must have enjoyed that last bit as I was going quite fast. And yes I was going quite fast but now I see that when you are in a group you don't want to give in. And that is a great motivator for me... So all in all everything is looking good!!

Breakfast; Porridge oats, chocolate whey protein, sunflower seeds and skimmed milk
Snack: carrots
Lunch: Mixed salad from the salad bar at work. Dessert: cherries
Snack: Nectarine
Dinner: Omelette with 1 egg and 2 egg whites and a no gluten pita bread. Dessert: Grapes
Snack: not sure yet
Drinks: 2 cafe latte and 4L water

Exercise: none (my legs are killing me right now!!)

Running Club

2009-07-22T17:29:00.004+01:00

Today I went to my first running club session. And I so absolutely love it!! I am so glad I went. I feel quite proud of myself too as I was so incredibly nervous. My tummy was so sensitive and in a knot. Till the last second I wasn't sure if I would go. But I arrived where everyone was waiting and a girl started talking to me and that relaxed me quite a lot. And she told me that the beginners group is a good group to start. And that is what I've done. I think I would be in a group inbetween beginner and intermediate. But there is no such a thing. So I will stay in the beginners group for the time being and hopefully in a few months I will go into the intermediate.
I am so buzzing right now. I can't wait for next wednesday again... Who would have thought that I would love it that much. YAY!! I definitely will go every week. Loved it, loved it, loved it!!! I can't stop smiling.

But now the problem I have is what am I suppose to eat. It is almost 9pm now. I just had a protein shake and that fills me up for the moment. I will probably have some fruit later on. But that is probably not what I should be eating.Any suggestions?

Breakfast: Porridge oats, sunflower seeds, skimmed milk and whey protein
Snack: none
Lunch: 50gr Couscous with cucumber, peas, sweetcorn, tomatoes and feta cheese. Dessert: Mango and Nectarine
Snack: Strawberries
Pre workout: Nakd bar and 25gr nuts
Post workout: Protein workout
Dinner: Cherries and grapes
Drinks: Cafe Latte, 4L water and energy drink

Exercise: Running club for the very first time

Tomorrow big day....

2009-07-21T19:58:00.004+01:00

Today I had a very tough run with my PT. I realise now that 80% is in my head. Once my head is in the right place I can run much further. Today it wasn't and in the end I ran faster than I've ever done before. OK my trainer pushed me otherwise I wouldn't have gone as fast as we did. Now I realise I can go faster and further and it is only down to me if I achieve this. Or at least it is all down to my stubborn head... :)

Tomorrow I am going to the runningclub. It is the very first time I will do that. I am very nervous. I will go there knowing absolutely nobody and for me this is such a big issue. I am quite shy and only if I feel confortable I will start chatting. I am usually a happy bubbly person when I feel confortable. So this is very daunting for me! Well the positive thing is that my trainer runs this running club so he will be there. And he knows how fast or slow I run and will put in the right group. Anyway I told him today that I was going to go tomorrow if it doesn't rain. In a way I am quite excited on the other hand I hope I will not chicken out and stay home. I will be very angry at myself if I do that. So will let you know tomorrow how it went and if I did go in the end. It will be such a achievement for me to go. I have been postponing it for such a long time now... No excuses!!

Breakfast: porridge oats, skimmed milk, chocolate whey protein and sunflower seeds
Snack: carrots
Lunch: Mixed beans salad. (didn't like it at all!!). Dessert: Nectarine
Snack: Fat free greek yogurt, blueberries, raspberries and kiwi
Dinner: Chicken breast and chicory with LF mayo. (Mayo is not the best choice but I only eat with chicory so it is not too bad. It reminds me of my childhood. We had this on a weekly basis)
Snack: Raspberries and 25gr nuts
Drinks: Cafe latte, 4L water, Energy drink

Exercise: Tough run with PT

Worst migraine ever ....

2009-07-20T19:33:00.004+01:00

Last night I've had the worst migraine I've ever had. I went to bed at 10pm (something I never do usually!!) took a tablet and couldn't sleep as my head was hurting so so much. Then took a washcloth and put very cold water on it and put on my forehead. Repeated this for 3 times and then fell asleep. So by midnight I was still awake. I've never had such a bad one and I have no clue why I had it. In the past I've had tension headaches and often it had to do because I had chocolate. But I haven't had any chocolate for the last 31 days but I had ice cream on saturday night so maybe that could have been the trigger...
And when I woke up this morning my head was still quite painful. Not a very pleasant experience.... I could have hit my head against the wall just to stop the pain. So now I am very relieved that everything is back to normal...

Breakfast: Porridge oats, sunflower seeds, skimmed milk and scoop chocolate whey protein
Snack: Nectarine
Lunch: Ratatouille with couscous. Dessert: fruit salad
Snack: Nakd bar and strawberries
Dinner: Scrambled eggs (made with 2 eggs and 2 egg whites) asparragus and green beans. Dessert: Cherries
Snack: 25gr nuts
Drinks: 4L water

Exercise: none

So Happy...!!

2009-07-19T15:45:00.005+01:00

This morning decided to measure myself. I didn't do it since I started this new diet. And I was so very happy. I have lost 4cm from my waist and 3cm from my tummy. Woohoo!!!! I could not believe it ... a whole 4cm and a whole 3cm! WAOW... Well the thing is I fit in more trousers so I assume I would have lost a bit but not in a million years that much. Now I am even more motivated to carry on... :)

Breakfast: Protein pancake made with 6 egg whites, scoop of chocolate whey and peanut butter. (I didn't like it all! I didn't even finish it only have half)
Snack post tennis: Nakd bar Banana bread
Snack Nr 2: As I was home from tennis around 3.30pm I didn't have lunch. This is what I had. Nibbled on piece of Mackerel fillet and then had greek fat free yogurt, blackberries, red currants and kiwi. (Absolutely lovely!!)
Dinner: mix of fish, quinoa, sweet potato and squash. Dessert: Cherries
Snack: 25gr nuts
Drinks: 4L water

Exercise: 2 hours tennis doubles

Slip up...

2009-07-18T23:02:00.002+01:00

I was doing so well for the past 4 weeks and just now slipped with some ice cream from Hagendazs. It was praline and crean. It is my favourite. But now I finished it and feel full and quite sick. So didn't really enjoy it that much. At least now I know I won't be buying it again. I can't believe how my taste and what I fancy have changed. At the moment I get more pleasure out of eating clean than having this ice cream. I feel gutted though that I couldn't control my urge to eat something. I opened all the cupboard and then end up with the freezer and that is when I saw this ice cream.

I've read that for some people it works to have one cheat meal a week. Well I can say now that it wouldn't work for me. As now I feel really guilty to have had this ice cream. I know in the big scheme of things it is not such a big deal. But I wouldn't enjoy a cheat meal. I'd rather eat healthy and clean. Unbelievable and this just after 4 weeks. Anyway tomorrow I will play tennis doubles for 2 hours so I will burn off some of these excesses. If I am up early I might go for a short run. We'll see about that. I usually quite like my lie-ins on Sunday.

The reason why I desperately needed something today was because I felt a bit lonely and would love to find a boyfriend. And today I found it hard. But now I realise that eating something sweet is not going to help me ... which is a big discovery for me!! As now I definitely don't feel better about it. Just the opposite...

Breakfast: Porridge oats, whey protein, sunflower seeds and skimmed milk
Snack: none
Lunch: Huge Omelette with 3 eggs and 2 egg whites and ham. Dessert: Lychees and cherries
Snack: crisps (only a few) at my friends
Dinner: yogurt with blueberries, red currants, banana, whey protein vanilla flavour, kiwi
Snack: 30gr nuts
Oops: Praline and cream Hagendaazs ice cream
Drinks: 2L water and Cafe latte

Exercise: none

Weigh in day and Happy Friday...

2009-07-17T19:18:00.007+01:00

Today is weigh in day and I lost 300gr this week. At first I was slightly disappointed. But then I realised I lost 3.4kg in the last 4 weeks. So I think I am doing really well. And all that since I started this clean and chocolate free diet :) No way I am gonna stop now. Love this new lifestyle... Can't stop talking about it...

First day this week that I feel happy and bubbly. So for me it is definitely happy friday! After all the stress this week I feel good again. Just in time for the w-e!

Next wednesday I will go my first running club session. I am a bit nervous as I am a bit shy and running with all these people I don't know is a bit daunting for me right now! But hey we will see. My PT told me it will help me to improve my speed so I am willing to give it a go and then if I like it I will carry on and if not at least I've tried it. And I think for me it would be good to do something I like with other people and not always on my own. So I am a bit nervous but also quite excited for the moment. I'll keep you posted.

Breakfast: Porridge oats, scoop whey protein, skimmed milk and sunflower seeds
Snack: carrots
Lunch: Salad from the saladbar at work. Dessert: fruit salad
Snack: Mango
Pre-Workout: Nakd Bar
Post workout: Chocolat whey protein shake
Dinner: Chicken breast in mushroom sauce, carrots and petits pois, couscous. Dessert: Passion fruit, red currants and blueberries
Snack: 25gr nuts
Drinks: 1 Cafe Latte, 3L water & energy drink

Exercise: PT session

Thallie !!

2009-07-16T16:19:00.006+01:00

Gosh this week has been so hard. I so can't wait for friday evening. I have felt so emotional since this friend was so nasty and now I have TOTM so that is not gonna help at all!

But with all this negativeness surrounding me right now I have to say that I am very lucky to have a best friend and her partner. They live in France so we don't see eachoter very often. We've been through so much through the years and now I feel blessed to have them in my life. Today I was still feeling quite teary and emotional and then I started to text with the partner and she is ever so funny and today she has put a big smile on my face. And then I realise that life is not that bad after all. It is just nasty people who make you feel like life such a struggle!! So just want to say thank you Thallie (if you read this!!).

Today I am on day 28 of no chocolates. I want to get to day 31 before having anything so that is on Sunday. Right now I could die for a piece. But sofar my head has ruled my heart. And I am very proud of myself especially after this horrible week! So now I start to be convinced that it is because I am not eating pasta, bread, rice and potatoes anymore. It took me that long to realise that!! At least it is better late than never...

I absolutely love this whey protein milk chocolate. I have ordered the vanilla en cookies & cream one. I can't wait to try it. I feel like I'm eating totally different now than before. And sofar I love it!! Long may it continue....

Breakfast: Porridge oats, whey protein milk chocolate, skimmed milk and sunflower seeds
Snack: Apple
Lunch: Wholemeal wrap, guacamole, tzatziki, tomatoes, cucumber and feta cheese. Dessert: Melon
Snack: Banana
Pre workout snack: Nakd bar
Post workout: Whey babana proteine shake (yummy!)
Dinner: Yogurt with banana, red currant and blueberry.
Snack: 25gr nuts
Drinks: 1 Cafe latte + 3L water + energie drink

Exercise: PT session

Not very positive today ....

2009-07-14T11:19:00.012+01:00

Today is not a very day as I feel quite emotional. Yesterday someone has said things to me in a certain way that was extremely aggressive and rude and that has really shocked me. And I am still recovering from it. I still cannot believe how someone can be so nasty. Sorry don't want to go into details right now. Now I am sitting here at my desk and feel quite teary and just want to go home and hide from the outside world. I know when I am like that I am very sensitive and think the world is against me! Which obviously isn't but that is how I feel today.

Today I was giving comments on a forum and someone replied in a harsh way and I took it the wrong way so have decided not go on them anymore. As this is not going to help me today. That is the joy of being quite sensitive ... :) I can understand that some people have strong views about certain topics and that is fine. But when that same person can't see someone else point of view that really p****** off in a big way!! There are always several ways of doing stuff and especially when it comes down to dieting. What will work for one person might not work for another one! And I think you have to accept that and being so stubborn and narrow minded about it. I think it is great to hear other people views and stories without being jugded on them. As far as I am concerned there are no right or wrong. In the end it is all about being openminded....

Tonight I have a session with my PT and that is probably exactly what I need to clear my head. I hate to be like that. I am usually a positive person. So can't wait for this day to finish.

Sorry for this negative post. But I am happy that although I feel very emotional I haven't turned to the chocolates. So this is day 26 of no chocolates. I want to get at least to 31 days before considering of having any. Just to prove to myself that I can do it. And that I don't need chocolates when things get though. But I can feel that it is getting tougher each day now.

Breakfast: Porridge oats, sunflower seeds, skimmed milk and golden syrup
Snack: carrots
Lunch: Wholemeal wrap, guacamole, tzatziki, sweet chilli chicken pieces, tomato, cucumber. Dessert: Melon
Snack: Apple and Cherries
Dinner: Salmon, quinoa and mixed pulses.
Snack: cherries
Drinks: 1 cafe latte, 3L water and energie drink

Exercise: Session with PT

2009-07-12T19:17:00.005+01:00

I am very proud of myself as yesterday I limited the damage of having rice and naan bread. I didn't want to upset my friend who cooked for me. I just a very small portion of rice and a very small piece of Naan. And at the end of the evening I didn't feel full at all. I was really happy that I didn't let myself go totally. Although I know that I won't be able all the time to avoid it...especially when a friend will cook for you.

I already feel the benefit of eating my omelette with egg whites. It fills me up for such a long time. Love it!!! I had it for lunch and only started to feel I wanted to eat something at 4pm. Fabulous! Usually by 2 or 3pm I already want to eat something. This whole change in my diet is really great right now. I feel like I am doing something very different. And it was just what I needed. This might be just want I needed to kickstart everything. I am such a happier person now.

I've ordered my first protein powder - flavour is milk chocolate. I can't wait to receive it. I debated whether I should get the chocolate flavour one as I am trying to cut it out totally. I can't really control my chocolate addiction so have decided to not eat it at all and see how it will go. Now it is day 24 of no chocolates. On friday I really struggled and wanted soooo much to have some chocolates and started even to get grumpy about it... But now I am happy that I didn't give in. I have to be able to do it for at least a month and hopefully even longer. But sofar all the changes that I have made to my diet I can feel the benefits. So that is why right now I don't feel the need to eat this stuff like for example choccies or pasta..

Breakfast: Porridge oats, sunflower seeds, skimmed milk and golden syrup
Snack: none
Lunch: Omelette with 2 eggs and 2 egg whites and a wholemeal pita. Dessert: cherries
Snack: Nakd bar
Dinner: Chicken breast, mushroom sauce, chicory, mayonnaise. Dessert: gooseberries
Snack: 25gr nuts
Drink: 3L water

Exercise: 5K run

Reason to lose weight

2009-07-11T14:51:00.008+01:00

After reading a blog from someone and she mentioned that it is good list reason why you want to lose weight and alos to list your goals to stay motivated when the going get though.

Why I want to lose weight:
- to have a flat tummy
- not at risk for strokes, heart attacks,..
- like my body
- have more energy
- be beautiful and toned

Goals:
- do a triathlon
- run 5K under 30 mintes
- run 7 miles
- join the running club

This morning had a very tough workout with my PT. My legs and knees are killing me right now. But feel so good about myself as I start to see how my fitness is improving. And also my willpower is stronger now. In the past I would give in when it starts to get tough. But like today at the end of my session I decided to go on the crosstrainer for another 10 min and after 2 minutes I felt like giving in. But I did the 10 minutes and was really proud of myself. I knew that if I would stop prior to the 10 minutes then I would really be angry at myself. That was the reason why I have a PT as my willpower used to be so crap and now I see how much stronger that has become. So I suppose I will have to give my PT some credit for that! :)

Tonight I am gonna eat a friends house and she is going to cook indian. I am a bit dreaging it as for the past 2 weeks I've been trying to eat a clean diet. So not too sure how this will go.This is my first big test. So will let you know how it went.

Breakfast: porridge oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds & golden syrup
Snack: none
Lunch: Omelette with 2 eggs and 2 egg whites + wholemeal pita bread. Dessert: cherries
Snack: Apple & 25gr nuts
Dinner: Indian meal at friends
Drinks: 3L water.

Exercise: very tough PT session

Weigh in! :)

2009-07-10T15:06:00.013+01:00

Woohoo!! another 700 gr gone. I can't believe how much I am losing since I stopped eating wheat. In the last 3 weeks I have lost just over 3kg. I am sooo over the moon about it! I wished I would have started that earlier. Now I am even more committed to stick with it. Having said that tonight I will have a pizza as I want to get rid of it and it is in my freezer right now. I will see my PT tonight so if there is one night I can have it then it is today. I will have just a fishpie to finish and then my freezer will look very healthy "clean". :) I find this new eating regime so exiting...especially as the kilos are dropping off! :)

I am so craving chocolates. This is my 3rd week of no chocolates. And the only thing I can think about is having some belgian chocolates. If I am gonna have chocolates then I want only the best. Well I say that because I am belgian. I could ask my family/friends to send me some but I want to prove to myself that I can do it. I have to be able to do for a least a month. So now every day I will write down on here if I had them or not. Hopefully that will motivate me!! Not eating any wheat is much easier than not having any choccies.... aaarrrgghhh!! OK have to think about something else.... Let's focus on the weight I have lost so far... 3 whole kgs!

Breakfast: Porridge oats, sunflower seeds, skimmed milk and golden syrup.
Snack: strawberries
Lunch: Salad from the canteen lunch. Dessert: banana, kiwi and mango salad
Snack: Nakd bar
Dinner: Pizza
Snack: Not too sure yet. Depends how it is going to go with my pizza.
Drinks: Cafe latte / 4L water / energy drink
Chocolate: none

Exercise: PT session

Fast run....

2009-07-09T18:49:00.009+01:00

I have debated the whole day whether I should go for a run as my tummy still felt a bit funny. After work I got home and then went for my run. And oh boy how happy am I that I went. I ran 5K in 34 min and it is close to my fastest which is 33min. So I am really happy. My 1st goal is to run it in 30 min. I just wanted to go for a gently jog and then I went faster and faster and faster... I am really on such a high right now! :)

I have decided to stop drinking squash. Today I just gonna finish what I already mixed with water and from then on it will just be water. As I started on this clean diet journey I don't think that squash is part of that. And today I thought that squash might not help with my bloated/full tummy. Today for lunch I ate because it was time to eat and that everyone around me were eating but not because I was hungry. I find this such a weird feeling as until a few weeks ago I was always hungry when meal times arrives. Surely it can't be because I am eating more protein and less carbs. I could easily forget to eat. But then with all the exercise I do I probably wouldn't have much energy left. I will wait till after the w-e and if my tummy is still like today then I will probably have it checked out...

Breakfast: Porridge oats, sunflower seeds, skimmed milk and golden syrup
Snack: none
Lunch: Bolognaise sauce. Dessert: Banana & kiwi
Snack: carrots & Nakd bar
Dinner: Omelette with 2 eggs and 3 egg whites (with my egg whites ... woohoo!!) and wholemeal pitta
Snack: 25gr nuts
Drinks: Cafe latte & 4L water and squash

Exercise: 5K run

Bloated

2009-07-08T19:07:00.006+01:00

Since I had my lunch I have feel bloated. I haven't felt like that for such a long time. It is quite unconfortable. So now for my dinner just had melon and cherries. I don't think I will eat a lot more today. I will try to drink as much as I can. Hopefully this unconfortable feeling will be gone soon. I am not too sure why I feel so bloated today.

Since I started this wheat free diet I have some nasty tummy problems. It is only now that I realise what bread, pasta, rice,... effect has on you. I never in a million years would have imagined that. I just thought I will stop eating wheat and it will help my quest in losing weight and do a triathlon. But now it almost feels like I am on a detox ... although I've never been on one so not sure how that feels really. But one thing is sure I don't like it one bit. Maybe that is a good thing so I will think twice before having wheat again.... Right now I surely don't want to go close to wheat. And that only after 2 weeks...

On a more positive note - Today I received my first order of liquid egg whites. I was gonna have it tonight but with me being so bloated I will probably have it tomorrow. I was so very excited to try it out. And now I will have to wait to have it tomorrow. I can't believe I just said that - being excited about egg whites ... HA! It is like a new food for me.

Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds & golden syrup
Snack: carrots and houmous
Lunch: Wholemeal wrap, mackerel, tomatoes, light mayo. Dessert: Mango
Snack: none
Dinner: Melon & cherries
Snack: 25gr nuts
Drinks: 3L water + squash

Exercise: none

Today I felt ...

2009-07-07T13:19:00.011+01:00

a change in my clothes. It seems to be a bit loser now. But I wonder if it is not my brain imaging things really now that I am on this clean diet! OK I have lost 2.5kg in the last few weeks. But surely that shouldn't show that much in my clothes so quickly. I had a size 16 (Oops!!) jeans on the other day and I could take it down without opening the buttons. So that one is probably too big unless I put in the dryer and then it might just be fine :) It made me feel much better about my body, I have to say!

Yesterday my councellor told me she could see that I lost some weight. That was very nice!! And it made me feel even skinnier... HA!

But then at work someone told me that I don't have to lose too much as I look fine. Yes that is very well to say that but that is not how I feel at all! I want a flat tummy and right now it is a wobbly tummy!!! And my BMI is 28 so that is too high. And the same person who is quite skinny is telling me that she should lose some weight and bla bla... That really p****** me off. Why is it that when I start talking about my diet (which is often I have to admit..) everyone else has to talk about theirs even when they are not trying to lose weight....
And the word "fat" I don't like at all! To me when I say I'm overweight it doesn't seem as bad as if I say I'm fat. Fat is a very negative harsh word. So I say I'm bubbly chubby :) OK rant over...

Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, goji berries and golden syrup.
Snack: Cherry tomatoes.
Lunch: Wholemeal wrap, feta, tomato, cucumber, guacamole and tzatziki. Dessert: melon & strawberries.
Snack: Banana.
Pre-workout snack: Nakd bar
Dinner: Chicken breast, carrots & petits pois and quinoa (for the very first time!!).
Snack: none
Drinks: Cafe Latte / 3L water + squash / energy drink

Exercise: PT session

Feeling good

2009-07-06T21:23:00.006+01:00

Still feeling good today. I feel like my life has made a turn for the better. Now that I've set my goal to do a triathlon and start a clean diet. I feel so much better.

Today I went to see my counsellor and I was on such a high I couldn't stop talking and giggling. It feels so good. And she said to me that my tummy problems are because of withdrawel symptons for wheat. Now I only realise how bad this stuff is for you. And so now I am even more motivated to stick to this new diet. I feel already a new person with a new purpose in life. I can't stop smiling. The fact that my job is not great doesn't bother me anymore. I have shifted my focus and it feels great.

I am quite tired now from all this excitements of the last couple of days. I couldn't fall asleep last night because I couldn't stop thinking about my new purpose in life. I've never felt like this before and it feels so so great. I never had a goal in my life and now I have one. For some of you it might not mean a lot but for me it is such a big deal.

Breakfast: 2 Crumpet and golden syrup
Snack: none
Lunch: wholemeal wrap, feta, cucumber, tomatoes, guacamole and tzatziki.
Snack: Nakd bar and rose grapefruit
Dinner: Bolognaise sauce (without pasta). Dessert: Cherries
Snack: none
Drinks: 3L water + squash

Exercise: None

New goal ...

2009-07-05T18:02:00.003+01:00

Yesterday was actually an eye opener for me. I was at the triathlon event and realised that not only fit people were doing it. There were girls that were bigger than me and the whole thing. So it made me think that maybe I could do something like that. The thing is that I am so not a competitive person. Just not finishing last would already be an amasing achievement. Something I really could be proud of. The beginner triathlon event is 200m swim, 5K bike ride and 2.5K run. All these event separately I can do but the whole point of this is to do them after eachother without a break.

I have never had any goals really in my life. And now that I realise that this might be it I am so excited and motivated. So now I have more motivation to exercise and eat healthy because of this goal. Never thought this would be like that... I can't stop smiling about it.

And also I want to find something that will keep me going once I've reached my goal weight (which right now I am not too sure what it is ...). I like cycling and running but not too keen on the swimming part. But then again the swimming part is the shortest part of the triathlon. So right now I feel good about myself and very motivated and I love it.

Breakfast: 2 crumpets and golden syrup
Snack: Banana
Lunch: Wholemeal wrap, feta cheese, cucumber, tomatoes, tzatziki and guacamole. Dessert: Cherries
Snack: Nakd bar, apple and 25gr nuts.
Dinner: Plaice, corn on the cob, courgettes. Dessert: Cherries (again...!! I love them)
Snack: not too sure yet

Exercise: 7.2K run (4.5 miles)
Drinks: Energy drink and 3L water + squash

Buzzing .....

2009-07-04T18:18:00.001+01:00

This morning felt extremely hungry. Not sure if it was because of the pizza I had. So had my usual porridge as a breakfast and then did the 30 min workout from Davina. I only burned 200 cal. That doesn't even cover my breakfast. So was quite disappointed with that! So decided to finish it off with a run. And I ran for another 30 min so in the end I burned 532 cal. That is much better! :)

Not writing everything down was goes into my mouth is very liberating. Right now I don't feel like I am on a diet and I still lose weight. So right now it is working for me like this. So why change something that works. Right now I focus on not eating pasta, bread and rice. So therefor I eat more veggies than before which is very good. This morning I went to Sainsbury's to buy some quinoa but couldn't find it. I was so disappointed. So will go into Windsor tomorrow to see if I find in there.

This afternoon met up with a friend that I haven't seen for 5 years or so and it was like I've seen him yesterday. It felt so good to see him again. It is great that some friendship just stay forever even if you don't see eachother often. I enjoyed it so much. I can't stop smiling. We met up a triathlon event as the wife of his friend was particitpating. And it made me think that maybe one day I could do one. My trainer keep telling me to do one. I always thought it is for fit people. And I definitely don't consider myself that at all right now. But then again it might be good to have a goal regarding my fitness! Now I just exercise because I want to lose weight but will need something to keep me going when I reached my goal weight. Because I definitely don't want to put all the weight back on! So just a thought right now... And when I saw the shape of some the girls participating in that race today then I definitely could see me do one. Some of the girls were heavier than I am right now... So that was definitely an eye opener for me....

Breakfast: Porride oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and golden syrup
Snack: none
Lunch: Wholemeal wrap, feta cheese, tomatoes, cucumber, guacamole and tzatziki. Dessert: 2 kiwis
Snack: Pralines and cream ice cream (my absolute favourite!!!)
Dinner: Salmon, veggies, couscous. Dessert: passion fruit
Snack: 25gr nuts
Drinks: 3L water + no sugar added squash

Exercise: 30 min Davina DVD + 30 min run

Woop Woop ... 2kg gone !!!!

2009-07-03T08:47:00.008+01:00

Woohoo I have lost 2kg this week. OK I had tummy cramps so that is probably part of the reason. But before I started to have the cramps I already lost almost a 1kg. I am over the moon. So that was my first week of wheat free diet. And I have to say that I am actually very suprised not to have given in on especially pasta. I am really proud of myself. And it didn't seem that hard in the end although I keep thinking about it. I want to give this a go for a month and see how I feel. Some people have told me that they got off pasta totally and don't really eat that more anymore. I might struggle when I go out as I love Italian food. But we'll see when I get there. I don't have any plans of going out for a meal this w-e. And I have to say with my tummy cramps I don't feel like eating too much.

Breakfast: Porrideg oats, skimmed milk, pumpkin seeds and golden syrup.
Snack: none
Lunch: Wholemeal wrap, feta cheese, tomatoes, cucmber, tzatziki and guacamole.
Snack: Nakd bar & banana
Dinner: Pollo pesto pizza (not the best choice after the week I've had with my tummy but can't get it out of my head. So will have it. Then won't have any pizza in the freezer and won't be tempted!!!)
Snack@ 25gr nuts

Exercise: Session with PT

Drinks: Cappuccino.3L water + no added sugar squash

2009-07-02T13:09:00.009+01:00

I am still struggling with tummy cramps. I am fine as long as I don't eat. But unfortunately a human being has to eat. Anyway went to see the doctor this morning and he gave me something for my cramps. He told me to take Colofac. And on the box it says also something about IBS. I sincerely hope I don't suffer from that. But I will have to wait and see. It is getting better though...

I have decided to go to see my trainer today. I have debated the whole day whether to go or not. But that might do me good to sweat it out. And sitting home and thinking and feeling this pain is not going to help me. So have to get out of this house. I have been home the whole day and it starts to get on my nerves. I want to see the outside world again.

Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, pumpkin seeds and syrup
Snack: Nectarine
Lunch: Chilli con carne without rice. Dessert: Raspberries
Snack: Banana and Brazil nuts
Dinner: Wrap, feta cheese, cucumber, guacamole, tzatziki. Dessert: 2 Kiwi

Exercise: Session with PT.

Drinks: 3L water + no addes sugar squash. Energy drink.

Tummy problems

2009-07-01T12:41:00.011+01:00

I have been suffering with severe bowel movement. Apologies if this it TMI! Not sure what the reason is for that. But it is very unpleasant and my tummy goes up and down on a regular basis. I don't think it is because I eat too much fruit as I don't eat more fruit than usual. Could it be the fact that I don't eat wheat anymore. Yesterday I saw my PT and I couldn't finish the whole session as I didn't have any energy left. I didn't like it as it felt like I failed my task. But didn't want to fall off the crosstrainer either :)

I was suppose to go for a walk with a friend and catch up on all the gossip but that was cancelled as i needed to be close proximity of a toilet. And she didn't want to come to my house and sit in my garden to catch up!!! So I ended up on the sofa in quite a lot of pain. So probably better that my friend didn't come.

As I am not feeling great it would be so easy to just have some pasta with pesto or so. Very easy. But I don't want to fall back to that routine. I have to believe that this is the right way and that I will succeed. So I will stick with what I planned yesterday.

Breakfast: Porridge, skimmed milk, pumpkin seeds and golden syrup
Snack: gooseberries
Lunch: wrap with bacon, guacamole and tzatziki. Dessert: Pineapple
Snack: Nectarine
Dinner: Chicken breast, chicory, light mayonnaise. Dessert: None
Snack: 25gr Brazil nuts

Exercise: none

Drinks: 3L water + no added sugar squash; cappuccino

2009-06-30T10:23:00.010+01:00

I feel my head is the right place right now especially about the dieting. I also feel so free now that I don't do calorie counting anymore. Now I realise it was restricting me or I felt restricted. And I am happy to say that sofar it is working. I can see the numbers on the scale going down. And I feel like I am eating healthier because I have to eat more veggies. I love fruit so that is never going to be a problem. I have to be more creative with my food which is a good thing. So let's hope my positive feeling and thinking is going to continue. Right now I don't miss pasta but then again this is only the 3rd day. It is funny that when you set your mind to it you can change your eating habits.

My big holiday is at the end of September. I want to lose 8 kg by then and have 12 weeks to do it. It might be a lot but I want to put my goal high. So I will make extra effort to exercise and eat healthy. Right now I exercise 5 times a week. And I want to keep that up as it is very achievable for me right now.

Breakfast: Porridge oats, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and golden syrup
Snack: Carrots
Lunch: Mixed salad + dressing. Dessert: Raspberry and Nectarine
Snack: Nakd bar and maybe a banana if I need it before my workout
Dinner: Bolognaise sauce without the pasta. Dessert: Pineapple
Snack: 25gr almonds

Drinks: 3L water (some of it with no added orange squash), Sport drink (it is one that my PT has given me. So it is not the one you buy in the shop full of sugar)

Exercise: PT session and also a walk with a friend (not sure this is really going to be a exercise workout. But it is definitely more exercise than sitting on the sofa watching tennis on tele. :)

Feeling positive!

2009-06-29T18:12:00.003+01:00

Today it is my 2nd day of no wheat diet. For lunch I had a salad but didn't like the dressing so only had half of it. And then one hour later I was starving and a headache started. So had a bar of chocolate. I know it is not a wise choice but my brain stopped functioning at that moment. I have to be more organised if that happens again. Well hopefully it won't happen again. As I was at work and the canteen was already closed I couldn't get fruit.
I am eating more nuts now and that is great as I love it. I only have portions of 25gr a day.

Since I stopped counting calories I feel a bit more free in my head. Till then I was constantly thinking about how much I could eat and how many calories where in such or such food. Now I try to eat when I am hungry and have something healthy... I am happy sofar with the choice I've made. And I think I will succeed not to have pasta this month. Today I feel quite positive about it now. The only thing is that after lunch I was so very sleepy and don't really know what to do about it...

This is what I had today:

Breakfast: Porridge, skimmed milk, sunflower seeds and syrup
Snack: carrots
Lunch: salad and couscous. Dessert: grapefruit and a nectarine
Snack: Nakd bar
Oops: Twix
Dinner: Wrap, chicken, guacamol, tzatziki, tomatoes. Dessert: cherries
Snack: 25gr almonds

Drinks: 3L water (some of it with no added sugar)

Exercise: none

New start

2009-06-27T15:31:00.003+01:00

I spoke to my personal trainer as things are not going well diet wise. My fitness has improved a great deal but have only lost 2 kg since February :-(

So we discussed it for a while and then he quickly realised that I wasn't eating enough protein and too many carbs. So he suggested to try for one month to leave out all carbs and have protein in every meal. I am such a pasta lover and not sure at all how this will go. But I am willing to try and see if that will help. He also said that I was eating way too much sugar in my food and that it changes into fat and he thinks that might be the reason why I am not losing. So will try to include more protein in my diet and see where it goes.

I thought I knew everything there is to know about dieting. Well here it shows that I still have a lot to learn about it...

I have also decided that I won't do the calorie counting I was doing before. I have read that the apple shape girls (which is definitely me!!) shouldn't do a calorie counting diet but just eat healthy with a lot of protein and veggies. I will try that and hopefully my weight will go down. I had to change things drastically as I am so fed up with all this. I am exercising so much for so little reward. Not very nice feeling.... Although I really enjoy doing all these exercises and feel so much better I was still very disappointed that the weight or size wasn't going down.

Recently I've had quite a lot of questions regarding my trainer. He is very nice guy and we get on very well but sometimes I felt he wasn't too committed about it and just happy for me to come to the session and get his money. But after our chat today I can see that he is committed and want me to succeed.

Just hope this will work...

Frustrated...

2009-06-26T17:29:00.003+01:00

Yesterday spent the whole day at Wimbledon. It was a very last minute thing but enjoyed every minute of it! I love the buzz and the atmosphere but it is definitely not good for my diet. I know one day doesn't ruin your diet. But I always feel like I've ruined it. Today started again and my diet week starts on a Friday.
Today I read an article about not weighing yourself but measuring yourself. I wish I could not go on the scales but it is stronger than me and just measuring myself. But since I haven't felt any difference in my clothes I haven't measured myself to avoid the disappointment.
I have exercised a lot since January but have only lost a measly 2 kg. Very disappointing! But my fitness has improved a great deal. So that is the positive side of it! I wonder when will I see and feel a difference in my clothes. At the moment it is a bit frustrating as size 16 is too big but size 14 is just a bit tight. So nothing really fits me!
I really gets to me as I get very little reward for all the efforts I put in. And yes I have been away 3 times since January but still I would have expected a bigger loss in weight or size. But not much seem to shift. So now for the next 11 weeks I am not going anywhere so hopefully I will see a difference. My target date is 25th September. That is when I go on holiday and want to be a good confortable size 14. So fingers crossed!

Boring day!!

2009-06-23T20:46:00.003+01:00

Today was a very boring day at work but managed to stay off the chocolates which is a big achievement for me! At the moment really struggle with someone at work. I can't put it beside me and forget about it. I like to be treated in the right way but it is not really happening right now! I wish I could just shrug it off my shoulders and move on. But I am too sensitive for that. I will probably feel better in a couple of days. I will probably have to talk to him but I so hate confrontations...
I saw my PT today and we went for an hour long run and I feel so much better now. It was so nice to go outside even though it was very hot. My running is going really now and it so pleasing when I can see improvements. Especially as my weight is not going down very fast.
I am so focused on my exercising now that I can't imagine one day not exercising. It is a really weird thing for me as I've never been like that before. Maybe this is it where I will keep the weight off...

Daily Cal Quota: 1540
+ Exercise Cals: 512
Total Cal Quota: 2052
Calories Consumed: 1710
Calories Left: 342

Rest day

2009-06-22T20:44:00.002+01:00

Today was my rest day but feel absolutely knackered. That shows that exercise gives you more energy. But I will exercise the following 3 days so a rest day is probably what my body needs right now.
I saw my councellor today and it makes me realise how far I've come. And how happy I am that I made the decision to start seeing her 4 years ago. I have learned so much about myself and it has made me a stronger person. But always feel quite tired after a session as it is all emotional stuff that is talked about.

Today I had too many calories but as yesterday I burned so many calories during tennis. I don't feel too bad about and there are 3 days of exercising coming up too....

Daily Cal Quota: 1540
+ Exercise Cals: 0
Total Cal Quota: 1540
Calories Consumed: 1598
Calories Left: -58